@ess77 and others who offer help: There are some amazing "coping strategies" on here and lucky are those who have seen world class doctors at Mayo etc., but what about when we feel we can no longer cope; have tried the mental health remedies, attended courses on mindfulness, listened to podcasts etc., seen mental health therapists and such over the many years while working and raising family... but health issues keep mounting, have not been too lucky in doctors who are interested in health issues, or the health issues are incurable etc. etc.... plus we all live with different family, income, backgrounds, past trauma etc., its so much to deal with, there comes a time especially when approaching 80 and with mind changes, limited mobility, dependency, friends and acquaintances passubng away, fatigue etc., when is it time for some of us to stop climbing the mountain, sit on a rock, look at the scenery, and let nature takes its course... not being morbid but, for me, realistically and I honestly am concerned about the day/s I am absolutely dependent on others, it's really not what I want.
Of course, encouragement, as I used to get and still do to a point is so very valuable and we can't sit back and do nothing and expect to solve problems, but every story has a final chapter and I feel this is mine and am grateful for my life over many others of course, but its harder each day. Bless you and others here for caring so much and what you say is true, but sometimes I feel the well is just too deep to get out of. 🌻