Goodness, I feel like I’ve found my place finally.
Hi 🙋🏻♀️, my name is Jane.
I had a full blown panic attack the other day after picking up a hospital pharmacy medication refill.
I heard the Mayo One helicopter 🚁 landing on the roof. Before I even saw it, I froze. I forced myself to exit the building and stared up watching as they finished landing and taking the patient out on a stretcher.
I started to shake, got sick to my stomach and couldn’t move.
That had been me, 2 years ago, in a coma, not remembering four days of my life. How did my body know what my conscience brain could not.
I awoke four days later in Rochester, MN ICU with multi organ failure, an Addison’s Crisis, double pneumonia, a cast from my fingertips to my armpit being held up by a rod, a concussion and I didn’t know where I was or what had happened. They had someone assigned to my room 24 hours a day as I was alone.
I had very vivid dreams about a man in my room, speaking with a foreign accent and he was denying me the help I needed to urinate. Of course, I had a catheter in and didn’t need to use the restroom. I was delirious. I thought no one would listen to me. I was alone in my brain fog.
After reading some of your stories and doing some research, I knew that I was only one of many that have been experiencing PTSD ICU.
I’ve been and continue to be haunted by days that I don’t remember or puzzles that I can’t put back together. There are so many missing pieces.
@snetterpie I am so happy you found this amazing group of people who also happen to be ICU survivors. What you are experiencing is so real, and you are definitely not alone in this experience. On a personal note, my son experienced a life threatening asthma attack 4 years ago at the age of 5. To this day when I hear someone in distress say "I can't breathe" it automatically triggers panic in me and I can't help but shake. This is just such a human response to perceived threat.
I hope you have found help in this space. Support groups and conversations with others who have experienced similar things can be incredibly helpful for recovery. However sometimes people need more guidance during their recovery time - and recovery doesn't have a time limit. For some it's days to weeks. For others it can be years. When this is the case post ICU follow up clinics, where you can connect with experts focused on critical illness recovery, can be key to the next step in recovery.
If you are interested in more information regarding this, please send an email to: mayopostICU@mayo.edu