Thanks for responding. Yes, I’ve been (n therapy for years and oddly am a clinical nurse specialist who started a unit for people who self-harm. My problem is(eg) ;my dad was MD, came home from office at 9pm and not long thereafter my mom and dad would drink and it always ended up with the whole family brawling except me. I just started hiding knives etc. or calling state police. My mother loved the fight. I would just beg her to stop etc. There were times at night when she would wake me up.yell at me, and I had no idea what I was being yelled at for.Saying this now,not then does not help—my brain really has all the changes from trauma that research shows-