I could have written your post because I'm going through the same things, thoughts and feelings. It's scary isn't it? And hard for others to understand unless they have GP. I've felt so many things during the past 2 years.....including: sad, angry, hopeless, scared, guilt, shame.....and so much more. I was in the hospital for a week last month (got out a day before Christmas). I had something called an intusseption (hard to explain what it is, google if interested). I'm not sure if it was a complication of GP, or something unrelated. It's very rare (1 in 10,000 or so adults have this happen - though I can't remember the exact ratio). That was the first time in all of this (I have several other significant health complications as well as GP) that I truly feared for my life. It was the worst hospital experience I've ever had (emotionally as well as physically). When I got out, I had to decide how much (if at all) I really wanted to live and get well. I tenttively made an appointment at the Mayo Clinic and was on the fence about going until the minute I got into my car and started driving. That was this past Monday. It's Friday and I'm still here. It's been a rough, challenging week. I felt I needed to come alone, and though I've had periods of loneliness, it was the right decision (for me). I am still on an emotional roller-coaster and have experienced all the feelings I mentioned above (while here). But somewhere in the midst of the fear, loneliness, guilt (about spending the money to come here), etc.......I felt a new feeling. I felt a sense of hope for the first time in a long time. I also experienced other feelings I have not experienced in a very long time. I experienced compassion, comfort, caring, less alone, less frightened.....At some point during this week, I found myself having to answer (to myself) if I really wanted to go on (living)...and getting healthy - and - if so, how much did I really want it? It was probably my 2nd or 3rd day here when I had an amazing day. I met several other patients who reached out and encouraged me...I also met a few staff members who helped me immensely. It was that day that I decided I want to live. I identified WHY I wanted to live. I also decided that I was going to get better. And I began to assess not only WHY I wanted to get better, but what I was willing to give up in order to get better ( things like guilt over spending money on self-care, shame about my illness, isolation, etc). Each person that reached out to me that day, all had the same thing to say to me. They said (and I'm saying this to YOU right now)..."you ARE worth it, you deserve to live, you have worth, you have reason to hope, you are loved, and most importantly YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Each person who approached me that day all pointed me back to God. I picked up a devotional book (amazing one - I'll post the name when I remember it) and started reading. It was as if everything I read spoke directly to me. That was one of the best days of my life and I am going to be ok. You will be ok. Feel free to email me at JHFocus@yahoo.com. If anyone else wants to email me, I'd love to connect with you and support you on your journey. With love, peace and understanding, Julie

my daughter Ashley (age 16) had similar issues starting 3+ years ago. She was finally diagnosed with Gastroparesis a year ago. Check out

http://www.g-pact.org

for more information. Also, you can read my daughter's story at:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/AshleyJenkins

Also there is an excellent you tube video created by a young lady with Gastroparesis to raise awareness about this rare disease. You can check it out at-

just saying sorry you feel so bad I don't have any answers but I will pray for you I wish you the best BUTTERFLY BETTY

opped. It's like a morning sicknness sick.vomiting and haven't stopped. If your in tennessee Dr willie melvin is a professor at Vanderbilt hospital. He is amazing. I have a GJ feeding tube and a gastric pacemaker. That does help with emptying and nausea. I have five meds alone just for the nausea and vomiting. Hope this helps. Hope you feel better soon