@southcarolinagirl and all.... thank you for your support. I have more to the story but trying to keep it in bite-size pieces as am sure many of us do. The list grows longer..... I now "cherish" any hour or hours or parts of days that feel "normal" to me I would trade all I have, which is not a lot, to have that feeling again... I hadn't realized growing old with illness was so horrible. I thought people just got grey hair and wrinkles. Of course coming to Canada at 18 alone I did not see my Grandmother's aging and suffering nor my Mum or Dad's - it might have been a fore-warning. Always those worse off I know but I suppose I would sum it up as saying "I've had enough." Seems ungrateful.... J.