I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I once attempted to end my suffering permanently. Never again. I encountered people who were trying to help me that were so much less informed and under educated about my condition, I vowed never to let them near me again. I had the audacity to argue with a doctor who changed my medication every three to five days when I didn’t get well immediately, then labeled me a difficult patient. I asked for a young male doctor who listened and helped me. It turns out the other doctor was overdosing me quite a bit. You will get better, not all the time, but for periods of time you will get better. I have lived with these swings and have learned to hide and read when I am down, and sometimes just sleep for a couple of days. I look forward to the up days and make the most of them. When I’m down, I plan and write down the wonderful things I’m going to do when I have good days again. I fight till I collapse. I pray a lot. I read my bible. I’ve stopped making to do lists of chores; I find them depressing. I only write down things I want to do. Just keep pushing, keep fighting, even when you can hardly move your feet. Keep writing in when you need to. I take care of a disabled veteran, so there’s lots of social stuff I miss out on. I get it. You’re not alone. I need to say this just as much as you need to hear it. It always works two ways. I’ll pray for you. Please pray for me if you are so inclined. Spring is coming, and that will be glorious—even if you cry every time you see a daffodil! Much love, my fellow imperfect human.

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