Thank you for the reply. I am a little out of my "comfort zone" talking about this as not that knowledgeable but I did have a lot of negatives happen to me in a relatively short period and have a past, like many I realize, with some very upsetting events in my past... and one day, after the c.diff, Glaucoma diagnosis and deaths of people I liked/loved, and months long ingestion of vancomycin; one day Nov.2018 i just didn't have the strength to get out of bed which had never happened before and rather than repeat the story here again, I just felt my cup was not half empty nor half full but was either completely empty or had spilled over and this lasted almost two years and with age and other health issues and history of what I was told was depression, i took a double-look at the word demoralization when it popped up a week or so ago, and the case history - and when they addressed the pain and suffering he rallied a bit....and for first time thought maybe there is more hope for me than I thought. Lying in or on one's bed searching for suicide methods is not conducive to recovery but I felt I was out of options and at my age don't want to wake up and not be able to see or walk or ---- I know this sounds mixed up but when physical and mental issues going on, overlapping each other, I sometimes don't even know who I really am any more but when force to make a move when husband in hospital 3 weeks I had to get up and get going, in small ways, but it broke the cycle... just still on a tightrope right now.

Am sorry you have suffered so long too....I feel I painted myself into a corner and the paint never dried!