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Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?
Lung Cancer | Last Active: Apr 7, 2023 | Replies (196)Comment receiving replies
@olgamarie Thinking about death is never shameful and it is actually healthy. I understand our culture places a taboo on death but it's an inevitable part of life.
Do your thoughts about death lead you to live a more fulfilling life and live in the hear and now, or are they a pattern of rumination that impedes connection and living a meaningful life?
Regardless of where you are in this broad spectrum, you may wish to look into the readings by Viktor Frankl. He is the father of Existential Therapy.
Viktor Frankl actually spent time in a concentration camp and lost most of his family members there during WWII. From this horrendous experience he learned that the people that accepted their unspeakable position, and the almost certainty of their death, were the individuals that were resilient and more likely to survive. After his escape Viktor Frankl went on to be one of the most inspiring people in psychology and modern philosophy.
If this is something that resonates with you, there are therapists that specialize in existential therapy. Psychology Today does have a nice search function that locates local therapists with any particular specialty. Online options are plentiful as well.
Replies to "@olgamarie Thinking about death is never shameful and it is actually healthy. I understand our culture..."
I really got serious about my death and dying when I was waiting for a Cancer Diagnosis from Mayo Clinic. It was a 2 week wait time, and I went thru several phases of grief. First, I cried and yelled “why me?” - then came “why not me?” And then came the acceptance of my death: Just as we are born, we will die. There are no exceptions! I have had many relatives and friends I loved that had died and here I was, still living! “Why am I still here?” prompted me to volunteer at a nearby hospital for 2 years! I loved it there: the dedication of the nurses, the doctors, the loving volunteers I worked with and still in touch with. I will always miss being at the hospital, but now I am my husband’s caregiver, the best job of all!
By the way, I did have throat cancer and my thyroid was removed, took 2 ablations back in 2006, and so far, so good! Thank you, God!
My husband and I made funeral plans, all paid for. It is a good feeling to know our families will not be burdened with our final plans. I think a lot of people think about their death but don’t talk about it.
I love Victor Frankl. I often imagine getting a bumpersticker WHAT WOULD VIKTOR FRANKL DO?
His thinking got me through the pandemic, and now cancer. Seeing life as it is is a tremendous liberation. Thank you!
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You know... I remember reading a book of his and will find it again! Although I have several things wrong with me, I DO have that same mindset that you refer to. My family (11 kids) know that sometimes
I have fallen, due to clumsiness, but that I consider myself healthy.
So I plan to live to be 110. I must confess though that I tend to manipulate my husband who is sick with pulmonary fibrosis, diabetes, and lots of other things. I tell him I cannot live without him, just so he will get off the couch and walk with me. I say this to him in a loving, smiling way, but I'm being serious because he can be lazy or want to spend all day watching TV. Hope my comments are supporting your own, Erika.