@keltothemoon . Hello Manni. This is Gina. I'm so glad you connected with this forum. There are so many people here that will genuinely hear what you're saying. I just want to tell you that I understand the symptoms you describe. I'm a senior now, but I've experienced serious stuff as you describe. I have three sons who have varying degrees of mental challenges. I want to encourage you to reach out for help in a manner that makes you feel safe. I'm thinking that the mentors here will be able to guide you as to how to find safe help in the city you live in. You've already taken a big step by sharing what you're going through with us. You are being heard. Blessings.