Sorry maybe as a newbie on here I shouldnt comment, but I feel for you Sundance... and I dont consider it whining.... and am sure if someone mentions their medical condition to you , that you acknowledge and even maybe make suggestions: I think, because I like to help - even verbally - when someone has a problem medical or otherwise, I think others - relatives or not - might do the same for me, but the realization as you explain is that it doesn't work that way. Sometimes, though, I just want a hug or "hope you feel better soon" - I don't expect a cure from them. Sometimes, and certainly not wishing it on anyone, it takes an illness to happen to someone for them to understand what others are going through...? As I say I have one daughter who I can count on and the other, well, she thinks if I go back on antidepressant I will cope with physical illness...whereas I say if I can get help with physical illness and pain I wouldn't be depressed! So no simple solution.... so nice you can come to this venue and express how this makes you feel, and am wishing you the best and that you have or will meet some more sympathetic friends.... J.S. (Ontario)

Yes, I believe you need to take steps to get your needs met such as a sympathetic, supportive person to talk to. Someone who accepts you just the way you are. Not to pass judgment on people who suffer with the disease of alcoholism, but they normally expect people to take care of them rather than them supporting or understanding you. It is the nature of their disease. Waiting for them to change, if they have no desire, is like beating a dead horse. So it may be best to change your focus to find solace elsewhere. You can still have them in your life but you need to lower your expectations because they have their own issues. Remember, there is always hope for you. Glad you joined this forum. Take care.

@sundance6 @lacy2 @suz55 We each and all of us, experience life differently, even as siblings growing up in the same household. Often I have referred to something growing up, and my siblings saw/experienced the same event quite a bit other than I had! So, it stands to reason that those closest to us bring shades of the past to the present. Sometimes, they don't want to conceive of the notion a partner/family member is ill, because it may bring feelings of panic or helplessness to them. Or they have no reference on how to offer support. For myself, it is a sanity-saver to consider my friends and family-of-choice as my sounding board, and support system.
Ginger