Thank you Erika & Irene. Erika, I am not alone…I have the most adoring and present husband who is participating and supporting me every minute of every day. Two most amazingly gorgeous and dedicated adult daughters who smother me with attention and love …Irene nailed it. MAC the ghost from past centuries…”the consumption…phthisis…tuberculosis…” had gone quiet in this country. Vanished with other bacterial and viral maladies with our evolution in healthcare and lifestyle….pretty much a remnant that still haunts are neighbors in the underdeveloped countries in undocumented numbers. This I know because I have had the blessing of living in Central & South America as a child.
The aloneness is navigating the narration (because I have never had to do it)…in creating the storyline to tell friends & loved ones what I’m now going through, the explanation (that doesn’t exist), the plan (which could fall apart in a minute if I do not tolerate the meds), the prognosis (which is an uncertain outcome), and what I am reading and hearing from all of You….beautifully supportive strangers that have come together. Honestly, this forum scares me…I understand the selfless gift of giving of personal experience, but reading the details of your treatments and setbacks…is depressing me.
Blogs and forums give much information…but do not reveal our life’s character…our nature that can only be formed by our individual life experiences. I am a stranger to all of you…but those that know me in my life…know me as a problem solver, director, dictator, giver, best friend, first there last to leave, show me the facts person, that must live with reality illuminated by the light and positive possibilities. I can deal with a poor outcome, but It will be last with resolution and surrender. I have to act, pronounce and believe in a successful end. I must remain in light and hope; the alternative is my darkness…the kind of darkness each and everyone on this planet has felt and lived at some time during their existence.
So you received more than a quick answer I know…but I have been doubtful about my participation in this forum.
I pray everyone of you find wellness…of body, mind, and soul.