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I just feel useless. I have to beg people to come and eat at my house, I am a good cook… so they do not want to come but I am not invited. Where I come from, on Christmas day/eve an extra plate is put on the table for the unknown guest… but no one comes and I am tired of so much loneliness. They say reach out… well I do but nothing happens. Since I am retired it is just so lonely

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Replies to "I just feel useless. I have to beg people to come and eat at my house,..."

Hi, @nannette1941! I'm Elizabeth, ess77, in Jacksonville, Fl where it's really, really icey cold! In the low 30's last night, up in 40's today….wow! And, going down in 20's tonight. I love my plants in my yard and on the deck, BUT can't bring pots in anymore and can't cover most of the time, either. It really hurts me……but, we had a chat a couple years ago when I got physically worse and really sad, so I explained to my ginger plant, staghorn fern, lilies, thorn of crowns, pitcher plant hanging basket, plumbego, hydrangias, hybiscus and on and on….we chatted. I explained my situation and how things had changed. Explained it's up to them now to take care of themselves when I can't do it. They were so sweet…..I raised them all from tiny babies, several were being thrown away at Lowe's or Ace Hardware or the nursery…so I grabbed them for $1-2 and saved them from the garbage! the first couple years I did lose a few to the long, extended freeze overnight. But, we don't have many of those, so most of them did fine. I'm able now, with housekeeper help, to water them regularly, talk with them and make them feel loved. They are my friends! So, they've gotten tougher, stronger and can survive the cold winter nights we have in north Fla once in a while. You know, I think we have a good system now. They know I'm much older, weaker and need help, that I'm alone and need their love, so they do their best to survive w/little help from me. I've had to make kind of the same changes in my own life……I'm alone almost all day every day. It's tough. I do have a 53 year old son, disabled for 20 years who now lives across the street from me. He moved here for me to help…..now, he's a bit better and can help me some. Friends I almost never see anymore. I miss them and the times we shared. We don't have meals together anymore. My son and I don't either. He was at his home all day yesterday and today. I was here alone. But, we did chat on the phone. Today, I needed a med. refill, couldn't go out and he did go get it for me. That was wonderful! Rare! I guess all this is to say I'm one of the folks on this coversation site who does really understand how you feel. I bet most of these great folks have had the same feelings……Being alone can be so tough. But, I've gotten so I contact my friends or contacts or acquaintances or whomever by email, mostly, some by text or phone. Usually email is best for me, so I can chat and really let them know I'm thinking of them. No, I don't get many emails back to catch up. Some, but everyone returns with a sentence or fill them in on what I'm thinking. I don't know where you live…..we have to make ourselves go out! I have a hard time with that. I think if I didn't have doc appts at Mayo Clinic I might never go out of the house. But, I do and they're really working with me to get me much better. AND, nannette, I have a doc I spend time talking with every couple months. He's saving my emotional life, maybe my life for real. Not until I began these chats with him, at Mayo, did I really begin to get better. I had someone who was truly interested in my best, in helping me get to the emotional health to live and make it through getting older. Please consider getting in touch with someone like this. A pastor, maybe, a doctor is perfect for me. Maybe the local Council on Aging has some ideas….You know, Chris Trout, 'artscaping', seems to know a lot about how & where to find the things we need to get us through these tough times. So does Colleen Young. And Erika. They're volunteer mentors and whatever and have good info. Artscaping can get you in touch with the good folks who can help you out. Good for you for speaking up! That's a big step to getting to the right people. I'm here, on this crazy computer or my phone or watching tv or whatever………reach out to me anytime. You know, that would really help me out. I need the friendship!!!! I'm thinking about you and will keep you in my prayers! Blessings, my new friend. Elizabeth

HI there @nannette1941, so it is time for bed. I hope you sleep well. Here is something to chew on……….can you remember feeling good about yourself? What was the occasion?

I see that 1941 at the end of your Connect name and so is it possible you were born in 1941? I was born in 1942. So we share many of the same worries and wonderments about our lives and how things have changed. I sent out about 75 digital Holliday letters and have received 6 replies. I moved from my village of 4,000 on the mountain after 20 years because of the fires. Now I live in a town of 65,000 and yet I feel alone…..like no one knows me.

Do you play games like Bridge or Mahjongg? Of course, this COVID has kept even the most avid Bridge player at home. Do you have family here and do they Zoom? My daughter and granddaughters have a Bed Party with me every other Sunday evening. I think I spend more time with them now because of Zoom. And we are all together. My daughter joins us for morning YOGA on Saturdays and Sundays. That is another connection I never had before.

What other activities do you enjoy? Are you creative? Have you made anything you would like to share? We have several groups of discussion open to anyone. Check out "Just Want to Talk" or "The Chat Room".

One more question…..how are you feeling physically? How is your health in general?

I hope to hear from you in the morning. And while I sense that you are despondent and lonely, I hope you have not had thoughts about self-harm. You know that there will always be someone to help when you call or text 988, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org.

May you be content and at peace.

@nannette1941 It's Monday….time to get going. I usually have MFR therapy on Monday at 11 am. So I got up, dressed, and was in the car a few miles down the road and then it hit me. Because of the holidays, my appointment is at 3 pm.

So now I have some time to respond. Let's see if I remember the highlights. Born in France..,, is there a french speaking group where you live now. In my village, there was a "French group that met regularly and only spoke French. They wanted to make sure they didn't lose the language.

You are an artist……painting. Two of the artists in my gallery were from Hawaii. Painters always gathered on Saturday morning at a beautiful park (Kapiolani) to learn and teach, to have social interactions. Is there a painter's group where you live? Wanna start one.?

And then there were the walkers. We went on Inn to Inn walks here in the US and in Canada and Ireland. Do you know of such a group?

I can see that other Connect folks jumped in with great messages for you. Yea Team!

How was the weekend? Anything super special?

May you have happiness and the causes of happiness.