← Return to New to living with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI)

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I don’t think he understands at all and I haven’t wanted to push the issue , right now we have so many stresses that take up our time trying to get the house ready for sale, we took our daughter out of her program due to COVID 19, our married sons all have their own stressors due to the virus and work, just like everyone else. At least I don’t have to remember all our Dr. Appointments right now.

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Replies to "I don’t think he understands at all and I haven’t wanted to push the issue ,..."

You have a lot going on right now, @emyliander. Yes, phew - no appointments to remember right now.

For when you don't have quite so much on your mind related to COVID-19 and all, I'm thinking perhaps @rachelanne @debbraw @suz55 @helenfrances may have some suggestions on how to help your husband understand what is happening with your memory this year and also support you in it.

What are some of the stresses you are encountering with your home sale, emyliander?

@melodyjane - how are you doing? Have you had any memory difficulties lately?

@sarasally2 - in the conversations you referred to, is it your husband or more than one member of the family who is having challenges with memory right now?

Good afternoon, @emylander, We have met before. In fact, I think we are walking along the same path right now. You are selling your home and moving, I did that last year. You are coping with a special needs child and I have a granddaughter with severe OCD. We are both challenged every day by "too many inputs". In the early PC days that would happen when the memory got overloaded and the result was bad "output".

Since we share quite a few cognitive memory issues, @lisalucier asked if I might offer some suggestions. And so, I read your story and your posts again. I especially remember the gift of food for your friend. I would do something like that except that I don't cook.

When I moved here last year, I had just spent 8 weeks as a caregiver for my partner's cancer treatments. My house sold surprisingly in one week and my friends got together and handled all of the details. We face-timed to pack up the kitchen. It was all I could do to nod yes or no. So. 96 items on the truck and 96 items off. I think there are still quite a few unopened on the porch.

I am going to pretend that you are sitting right here with me. Here is what I would suggest that you consider:

1. Sit down with an expert clinician and go over all of your medications with dosages and their potential interactions for both Rx and OTC . My body learned to handle gabapentin but did not like the combination of Nortryptilene and Deloxitine.
2. Get a written diagnosis of MCI so that your insurance will support outside care through Social Services, plus relationship and structured living cognitive behavior therapy that hopefully can include your husband.
3. Get structure and organization into your daily life. Use whatever works. I was doing pretty well and then in one week, I missed two appointments, one with my spiritual guru and the other with the lady for whom I am a caregiver. That was just because I didn't know what day it was. Now I have a paper calendar (see attached) and I mark off each day in the morning after checking for appointments.
4. Begin your day with Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness, before the pace ramps up and anxiety takes over. This practice or routine that I do every morning focuses on the body, the spirit, and the mind. We want them all in sync, right?
5. Include your husband in decision making discussion. We call that "Shared Decision Making". Maybe your husband would be more responsive if he was invested in the outcome. Just giving each other a chance to have input without judgment or being judged has a great carryover effect.

Enough for today my dear. I have enjoyed hanging out with you. Please let me know when you stumble and please send me a "star" when you succeed. Don't forget...step by step....it took a long time to get here. I am holed up here for you pretty much every day ....aren't we all?
And thank you for bringing her back, @lisalucier.

@emyliander - I'm very sorry to hear about your frustration with memory issues. My husband has struggled with this and I know how difficult it can be for him at times. I would encourage you to read a blog by one of our Mayo Connect members @virginialaken
Her blog is at this address: https://virginialaken.com/ She herself has been diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment. Her blog is a brave and beautiful sharing of her personal journey in navigating the many emotions and stresses that come along with this diagnosis. If you read through her blog posts, I believe you will be inspired and find some or many that you can relate to.

When you find one that really resonates with you, consider sharing it with your husband. It might make it a little less threatening or emotional for him if he reads the experience of someone else - more objectively - vs. hearing it from his wife. Sometimes I think our guys tend to want to "fix" the problem and get frustrated - or go into denial - when they can't. If he can read about someone else's memory issues and NOT feel like he's being called upon to solve a problem, maybe he can give you more support. I'm wishing you the best. Hope this helps some. Will you read the blog and let me know what you think?