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Relationship and Expectation Adjustments
Chronic Pain | Last Active: Nov 17, 2020 | Replies (37)Comment receiving replies
@lorirenee1, @jesfactsmon, @sunnyflower Good snowy afternoon. Relationships .... that's a good topic to explore and tap into every once in a while.......because they change. We acknowledge our own changes as we confront and contend with medical issues. We are all the result of our experiences. What I was taught by a dear, dear friend after three pretty involved orthopedic surgeries was to seek an empathetic understanding of any changes in my family and friends as they interacted with me or didn't.
You may come to understand that what you perceive as distancing by your spouse/partner, friends, family members, is actually disappointment because they can't fix you. Those who promised to love, honor and cherish you, those who you know admire and respect you, and those who have had your back for years........are feeling inadequate and helpless.
Are you able to take a moment to look at yourself through their eyes? How do you appear different to them? How do you think they react to your obvious pain?
Are you comfortable being transparent about your diagnosis?
Do you share your expectations about the outcome of medications and treatments honestly?
Do you let them know how much you appreciate the relationship?
May you be safe and protected from inner and outer harm.
Chris
Replies to "@lorirenee1, @jesfactsmon, @sunnyflower Good snowy afternoon. Relationships .... that's a good topic to explore and tap..."
Hi Chris,
You speak some good truths here.
Yes, they don't want you to be suffering and don't know how to fix you and/or your suffering is an inconvenience to them ; grandparents can't help them raise their children. Mine know I grieve over this one! So they have suppressed resentment even though the situation is not in our control.
But like pain, resentment can not be contained and will show itself in one way or another.
I like to give the benefit of the doubt and try hard not to personalize things. Most things. But we're all going to stand before God and be accountable someday and He is a living but just God.
Complicated but there is always hope. Many are suffering mental anguish in some relationships and need our support!
Best to all, Sunnyflower @lorirenee1 @bustrbrwn22 @jesfactsmon @jimhd
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I'd like to build on @artscaping's post. Great point about how illness can make others feel: helpless, disappointment, a sense of loss, anger, resentment that established roles have to change.
Not being able to depend on family members in times of illness or even when you might be the main caregiver, where does one find the support they need? Where have you found compassion, kindness and practical help to manage chronic conditions that have changed life as it once was? What tips do you have for fellow members?