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Relationship and Expectation Adjustments
Chronic Pain | Last Active: Nov 17, 2020 | Replies (37)Comment receiving replies
@jesfactsmon @sunnyflower I don't want to be repetitive, but I have much the same support, love, as Sunnyflower. My family just does not involve themselves with my being sick. If I had their love and support, I swear, I think I could handle my pain better. My husband has schizoid personality disorder, and has little affect with anyone. He does favors for me, but I feel unloved. He has little use for people in general, and his brain is wired wrong. I often feel alone, especially during Covid. I am being bluntly honest. I often wonder if I raised my son wrong in some way, to get so very little. Maybe I was unaware that I hurt him in some way. I constantly make excuses for my insensitive family. It is, what it is. I can't control other peoples' behavior. This whole subject is too hard to bear. Lori Renee
Replies to "@jesfactsmon @sunnyflower I don't want to be repetitive, but I have much the same support, love,..."
@lorirenee1 Please do not even go down the path that this is your fault. I have a pretty good bs-meter and you are a kind loving soul.
Dearest Lori Renee, I'm sad to read what you shared here. I wasn't aware of these things. I'm sorry your husband isn't capable to give you what you need. This is tragic. I know the pain. my first husband was borderline psychopath; I don't think he could feel another's pain, especially the pain he caused them.
I too feel alone often, more now because of Covid-19. But I must share something. I have learned that there is no person and no thing that can wholly and permanently meet the need of the human soul except for God. He wants to be our everything; our satiation: Jeremiah 31:25 "For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.”. He wants to be out everything . You can be in a perfect marriage and still feel alone deep in your spirit.
His love is unmerited, sacrificial and free. This is what I've learned. In Christ's unfathomable love, Sunny
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@lorirenee1, @jesfactsmon, @sunnyflower Good snowy afternoon. Relationships .... that's a good topic to explore and tap into every once in a while.......because they change. We acknowledge our own changes as we confront and contend with medical issues. We are all the result of our experiences. What I was taught by a dear, dear friend after three pretty involved orthopedic surgeries was to seek an empathetic understanding of any changes in my family and friends as they interacted with me or didn't.
You may come to understand that what you perceive as distancing by your spouse/partner, friends, family members, is actually disappointment because they can't fix you. Those who promised to love, honor and cherish you, those who you know admire and respect you, and those who have had your back for years........are feeling inadequate and helpless.
Are you able to take a moment to look at yourself through their eyes? How do you appear different to them? How do you think they react to your obvious pain?
Are you comfortable being transparent about your diagnosis?
Do you share your expectations about the outcome of medications and treatments honestly?
Do you let them know how much you appreciate the relationship?
May you be safe and protected from inner and outer harm.
Chris