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Relationship and Expectation Adjustments
Chronic Pain | Last Active: Nov 17, 2020 | Replies (37)Comment receiving replies
@sunyflower
This story you tell is so heartbreaking there are no words, i.e. I am speechless at the behavior you have described as exhibited by your daughters. Your therapist's theory about "they may be in denial b/c they don’t want me to be sick" is just absolutely looney. What does that even mean? They don't want it to be true so if they simply choose to ignore it (and you) that somehow that will make it go away? It makes no sense. I wish I could offer you a suggestion that could help Sunny. But it sounds like you have done your best to open their eyes. But they want to keep them firmly shut to reality.
You have 4 children. You have described the behavior of these 2 daughters. What do the other two children think? Do they know about this? I'm trying to figure out if you have at least one ally in the family that could possibly intervene with your daughters and try to make them see whatever it is that they are trying to block out.
With a heavy heart for you, Hank
Replies to "@sunyflower This story you tell is so heartbreaking there are no words, i.e. I am speechless..."
Thx Hank. It's complicated. I have two sons. I don't see them much but they too express love for me. Warm hugs when we see each other, say I love yous when we talk, just like my daughter s
All 4 of my kids would help if I really needed it aka if it was really important. I know they know how loving and helpful my husband is and they do tell him how much they appreciate him caring for me. I can do a lot for myself and try not to ask for help. I really do need it but it's mostly not urgent. It would be nice.
They have extremely busy lives and I believe are overcommitted. I am NOT excusing them, just giving info.
One son is free enough to take me to the doctor and very willing. It's nice. The other has brought disinfectant wipes, sprays, things hard to find to me as have my girls once.
I know they would be by my side if necessary. But usually by then it's too late.
Please don't feel sorry for me as I truly am one of the most blessed people I know. Genuinely.
I was in an abusive marriage for 17 years with my kid's father. There is still a lot of healing that needs to take place.
I think I have said this before, but I learned from a woman responsible for county-wide emotionally disturbed kids, that kids will always blame the parent who's love they are most secure in and will try to please the parent who's love they are trying to win. She says they think something like, oh mom, she will forgive us anything, she loves us. It's called misdirected anger.
Hope all is well with you and Linda. Take good care of yourself too!
All the best, Sunny 😊🙏
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@jesfactsmon @sunnyflower I don't want to be repetitive, but I have much the same support, love, as Sunnyflower. My family just does not involve themselves with my being sick. If I had their love and support, I swear, I think I could handle my pain better. My husband has schizoid personality disorder, and has little affect with anyone. He does favors for me, but I feel unloved. He has little use for people in general, and his brain is wired wrong. I often feel alone, especially during Covid. I am being bluntly honest. I often wonder if I raised my son wrong in some way, to get so very little. Maybe I was unaware that I hurt him in some way. I constantly make excuses for my insensitive family. It is, what it is. I can't control other peoples' behavior. This whole subject is too hard to bear. Lori Renee