Thanks for your thoughts. My husband and I lived for three years in 55+ housing with community activitiies etc. My husband enjoyed the social clubs especially playing pool. Socially, I found it very dull. Mostly conversation regarding the latest knee transplant apt. When we realized our daughters hardship, we wanted something sustainable for all of us. The biggest loss is my husband billards. My daughter is a willing worker and found a teaching position online which with the child support is keeping her afloat. She gets 1700 child support and earns about 1000. Her LA, Ca. one bedroom with free cockroaches was 1700 a month. We charge her 500 plus utl. This is a good situation for all of us. But our very different life styles is a challenge. We love each other and take care of each other....
You are right about only changing ourselves and being ourselves. As they drive off to pick up McDonalds dinner, I am doing yoga and drinking juices and taking vitamins. Different, but with respect. She needs to see that she is worth the work on herself and I need to back off. I get that. I recognize addiction to self destruction though the psychiatry people would probably call it something else.