@jelizabeth
First just let me say that I am sorry for your terrible condition and the never ending ordeal that this is in your life. Your attitude toward suicide is indicative of believing in God and an afterlife. Hopefully you can derive some solace from faith in a better life after this one.

Due to government control there is a whole sense of mistrust built up between the patient and the practitioner. First, the arachnoiditis is, as you say, iatrogenic, meaning caused by your surgery itself (I had to look that one up), so the fear that they might be questioned or sued for their mistake leads them to put you in a bad light in their notes about you as a cover for later if they need it so they can use it against you if needed as you say. Any mistrust which develops between doctor and patient, as in any relationship, is very destructive.

The bottom line as I see it is that issues such as yours are as mysterious to them as to you. They are shooting in the dark and hoping to hit something, but what they end up hitting might just as easily make things worse as better. We of course all want help for our medical problems, but it's a total crap shoot as to whether you are going to be helped or made worse. God forbid a person develops an issue that is as cryptic and mysterious as nerve disease. When it comes to nerves, the medical establishment is bordering on complete ignorance. You may as well put yourself in the hands of someone who prescribes putting leaches on your body to bleed you (a practice commonly done hundreds of years ago). In modern times the equivalent to blood letting is drugs. Something to do to say they are doing something in many cases.

I'm sorry you have had such a rough go of it. Hank

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