Jen, I am positive that absolutely none of us feel that you let us down! Try really hard to get rid of the stinkin' thinkin' and replace those thoughts with truth. That's what I do. Remember I told you that the Bible teaches that Satan is called the father of Lies, and the accuser and that he is seeking to devour and destroy? Well that is referring to the thought life because that's where it takes place, in the mind. I put myself down all the time but I'm now able to capture the thought before I complete it and replace it with biblical truth about myself in God's sight. The Bible says I am made in His Image and that He loves me, that I am forgiven and the list goes on. I think this will be our battle while we're here on earth. We just have to arm up to have victory over it. Recognize it for what it is. Pain does alter many parts of the brain, the emotion center especially. That's why I use the term, "I am fighting for my sanity" when my pain becomes intolerable. I think you need to look in the mirror and talk to yourself as you would a dear person that you love. Speak with kindness and love and encouragement and assure yourself that you are worthy and valid. It's so hard to do, to look at yourself and treat yourself as you would talk to this person that you love. But after doing it for some weeks it really works and you feel better about yourself and treat yourself much differently and think about yourself much differently. Well those are the tools that I use. Let me know if you have any questions or I can help any further. I will be upholding you in prayer dear friend. All of us are fallible. None of us perfectionists will ever be perfect so we can let go of that impossibility. RELINQUISH, it feels so good! God loves us as we are. In Christ's unfathomable love, Sunny 🤗♥️