Your husband sounds a lot like mine when it comes to sympathy or empathy. I have come to the conclusion that men in general have a hard time dealing with other peoples' pain. Many men will not visit friends in hospital or even at home if they are sick or dying because they just don't know how to deal with it. My husband and I have been married 15 years and it was a second marriage for me and his fourth for him. I married him because he was and is a sweet person, affectionate, responsible, loyal, and up until recently hard working. He's 79 and I'm 76. In most respects our marriage has gotten better even as it has become more of a friendship than a love affair. I try not to say anything about my pain. He knows I have a lot of pain- sometimes it's under control but right now it's pretty hard to keep it that way. He suffers from terrible migraines so he knows about pain. he support me in the ways he can but he is not what I would call attentive. Probably 12 years ago I came to the conclusion that I needed to keep certain things to myself and in recent years that has included my pain. When he is having a migraine he goes to bed and takes pain medication and a sedative. When I can do something for him I will but for the most part there is nothing I can do to help him. I have become less sensitive to his pain, too. I think sometimes we expect too much from those we are closest to. Some people may be missing a gene that makes them more caring but others just don't have the energy to provide the kind os support we would like to have. I think it is a rare man who is able to give the kind of support we would like to have from them.

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