HI Guys, I didn't know quite where to write a continuation on the subject of putting on the smile to mask our pain that several of us talked about recently. But my husband brought some things to mind that I had not included.
We have a lot of grandkids so they make me smile. They are anti-depressants, so precious, so cute and such a welcome distraction from my pain. Distraction is the key word! It works better than Gabapentin and lidocaine w/ zero unwanted side-effects. So when my adult kids see this they think I'm fine.
Over 28+ years we have paid thousands of dollars to hire people to help us and myself. I have 4 healthy kids who could help. Two falls ago, one daughter said that she talked to my other daughter about taking turns helping me out every other week. I said that would be great. I was surprised! I had not asked for it. I didn't hear anything for months. Then the daughter who said this to me told me that it was mentioned that they (I know she was alluding to my other daughter), didn't want to enable me. Well shut the front door. Are they kidding me? I am stoic and push through to the point of being a detriment to myself!!!!!!!!
So the next time the daughter who spoke to me first came over, I told her I felt she/they put me in the position to have to validate myself and had her take a look at my Medical Conditions list that I had printed from my Kaiser Permanente chart. The list of my diseases and conditions is so long that almost 100% of my medical providers have told me that it's either the longest list they've seen or one of the longest list they've seen. I tell them they're interfering w/ my denial! Anyway, she didn't even say oh, wow, or anything. It really hurt (understatement)! Some time after that I asked her about that and told her it really hurt me. She barely responded.
Then, probably about two months after that, I had the same sit down w/ my other daughter, whom, the first had alluded to as being the one who said they don't want to enable me. And beyond belief, after looking at my list, she didn't say a word either. It confounds my mind, These daughters tell me how much they love me all the time. I don't get it. It hurts. I do not ask for help and they know we hire people! I'm talking about easy stuff. We are clean and neat! I know they are very busy but see they have time for what they want to do.
They are genuinely great girls and do a lot of ministry and service to others. They celebrate me on my birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day. I don’t get it. My boys would help if I asked but I rarely do. It’s more girl help that I need.
My husband says that people believe what they see more than what they hear. So if I go out of the house and look nice, they think I’m fine. If on the rare occasion I put on make-up, I get compliments. Little do they know it took me over 2 hours to put it on b/c of my shaking hands and, that I was in bed under ice gels on my knees and a heating pad when doing it! I am a very congenial warm person, always reaching out, always w/ a smile. But I also have people who say to me, “You’re really hurting aren’t you?” so those who want to must see it in spite of my smile.
I was wondering if any of your partners/spouses have gone to bat for you and if so, would you please explain if you are comfortable doing so? There have been times I would really like mine to go to bat for me but he is quiet and non-confrontational.
Thanks guys. My prayer for you all is comfort, peace, healing and ZERO pain!!!! Blessings, Sunnyflower