Hank, I think most of us at times or all the time (guilty!) minimize our pain/s. There are so many types of pain; physical and not physical. We all walk through many fires here in this lifetime. There is a huge difference between sharing information and complaining. Here on Connect, we all share info. I think we may fear we will be judged as complaining when we share info about our situations.

This has actually literally happened to me but thankfully only once w/ a family member so now, whenever I share any info outside of Connect, I clarify that it's info only, not a complaint. It was very painful (emotionally) b/c I have NEVER EVER felt like I was a victim nor have I ever questioned God and I know I have not complained. As you know, I trust God and His purpose in my situation and His love for me. They ask how I am. What do I say? So I even try to separate my body and my soul or spirit or mind for example, I may say I'm good or fine but my body won't cooperate with me. If they only knew...

For too many years to count, I have struggled with what to say b/c I do have an unusually amount of diseases and conditions. So many of them are painful in nature. So of course, pretty much every time we talk, I have a new medical problem. So what do I say? What do they really want to know? I get constant new diagnoses. Do I tell them? This week my bone density scan showed my osteoporosis is much worse. It has already been severe for years; quite a few fractures. That's a whole other story but point is, yet another new diagnosis.

Hank, bless your heart, I see you clarified in parentheses that you don't have the pain us guys have at all. Even like you, when care givers are super happy and love taking care of their loved ones as comes across loud and clear about you, they/you too go through their/your share of some type of pain, which may not even be related to giving care. I know you probably already know this but often, loving care givers become more ill if not physically, then emotionally etc., bc of the stress and role and not taking care of themselves.

Well that's my 1 cent for whatever it's worth! I recall a few good discussions about a similar subject and me sharing what I learned from the Joni Earickson and Friends seminar I went to in the early 1980's. She said people tend to distance themselves from the afflicted/handicapped b/c they fear more will be required in that relationship and, because it reminds them of their own mortality. I think that's why we're so careful and aware of how we give info about ourselves or our situations.

May you be incredibly blessed for the loving care you give to your precious wife! Keep mindful that you need care as well. Hope today goes especially well for you both. Warmest regards, Sunnyflower