@lorirenee1 jimhd Lori, I agree 100%. Jim we need to break down that horrible history of yours and clean out some of that old s**t that is still haunting you. I know it's very hard to eradicate and impossible to ignore. Over on the Depression discussion yesterday, I was talking about how I did "The Work" back in the late 80's. The thing that was so powerful about it (which I had forgotten about but Linda reminded me yesterday) was the process of going back, in your mind and emotions, to times in your childhood when you were hurt or abused in some way, and viewing yourself as that little innocent and unprotected child who had to go through that. John Bradshaw, who we spoke about over in the other discussion, also wrote a book about "Healing the child within" (or something like that). That was what made the biggest change in me, it was dramatic, and after the change happened, the "old me" never came back, i.e. I was healed, basically. I could not believe it when it happened, it seemed too good to be true! I think that could happen for you as well. I wonder if any of your therapists have ever discussed this with you. Best, Hank