@jesfactsmon The first psychiatrist I saw gave me the overall label of Major Depressive Disorder, as well as Depressive Bipolar and Atypical Depression. My highs would probably be classified as mild depression by normal people. The two are quite similar.

I've been rating my days on a scale of 1 to 10 at the recommendation of the staff where I self-admitted during my actively suicidal period, 10 being the best day of my life. 4 is preparing to die, I'm not sure how to label 1-3, 5 suicide is somewhat intrusive, 6 it's at the back of my mind, a good day.

I was at 4 for 7 or 8 years, and finally got up to 5 some time after 2010. I thought I'd never reach 6, but I did a few years ago, and I kind of migrate between 5 and 6 now. It's been 5 for a month. My therapist and I have conversations about it, but we don't think I'm at the level where I'm not safe, but I sure do think about it a lot. Life gets too complicated and then overwhelming. I've concluded that 6 is my new 9.

I wrote a rather lengthy message in the depression and anxiety group, responding to a person's recent post, Is depression permanent? I almost always seem to require a lot of sentences to express my thoughts. I should have been asleep long ago because I have to take the car to the shop - again - as early as I can.

Jim

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