Jamsie, I just wanted to let you know there are others out there who share some of your experiences. My cousin married a man who, although a very talented pianist and artist (he made a good living with these talents), was a drug addict and an alcoholic. He was verbally and physically (especially physically) abusive from the day they were married. He did horrible things to her; he beat her, he scrawled horrifying messages on her car; he ranted and raved; he went berserk and tore up the house, and on and on. My cousin was herself a very good pianist and had a piano her mother bought for her when she was six years old at a time when there was very little money in the kitty. The scumbag of a man she was married to took an ax to the piano, and she has never been financially able to replace it. She has a grown daughter, and she and her daughter both suffer from severe PTSD, especially her daughter. Her daughter was very young when her father was still in the picture, and all she remembers is the yelling, her mother crying, and the fear a little girl suffers when she doesn't know what's going on. She is 30 years old now and has a PhD in psychology with emphasis on PTSD suffered by soldiers. She works at the VA in Oklahoma City. She still suffers, as does my cousin, severe PTSD, but both women have persevered and with the love and support of family and mental health providers, have lived full, productive lives. The secret is getting out of the situation; with help from the police, my cousin managed to send her husband to prison for many years; she has received not one penny of support from the deadbeat, but has worked and supported herself and her daughter. She sent her daughter to college through obtaining her PhD, of which she is oh so proud. So, getting out IS possible. I would rather live peacefully in a studio apartment than live with the daily abuse, humiliation and fear. Easy to say, I know, harder to do. I wish you every good thing life has to offer, and I will keep you in my thoughts.