@jimhd Sorry I am writing so much. Jim, ignore anything else I have been writing and just read this. I have a few more thoughts on this post of yours about the history of your depression. When you say " I've long since done the work of forgiving, but in some way, I think that I don't want ever to forget" It's extremely admirable to forgive, no question. But I think you still need to do the Inner Child work a'la Bradshaw. Linda and I were just discussing your post and her take was this. Forgiving those that hurt or abused you is a saintly thing to do. But it still will not touch that deep inner hurt that you carry.

What Linda and I both did back in the late eighties, and found to be effective, was to take time to sit still and get in touch with the little innocent child who we were during the abuse that befell us. We, and you, need to feel the feelings that little child felt during that abuse, and then tell that innocent little thing that it did not deserve this abuse and that it should have been loved and protected and not hurt. In other words, your adult self needs to get in touch with the emotions your child self felt and rescue it from that hurt. And this does not have to be a childhood abuse that you are addressing, it could be any abuse, even when you were a so-called "adult" because that hurt you experienced in those situations was hurt to your inner self, who is essentially a little child throughout your whole life. Down under the facades we build up around ourselves there is always the little child at our core.

It's hard for me to describe it any better than that. I know it worked for both of us and it can work for anyone else. To do it effectively you have to devote a time and place for real quiet, and you have to be able to become raw emotionally. This may mean doing this at the outset of a long weekend for someone who works. Since you are retired Jim that might not pose a problem, if you ever decided to try this.

The thing is, this is science. It's a universally human phenomenon. I hope anyone suffering from abuse to your inner being will give it a try. My wife wants me to add more, she is a great therapist but hates writing, but I will leave that for her to write another time if she ever decides to. Best, Hank