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@jimhd Just a few further thoughts regarding this incredible story of yours. Firstly I too hated the clothes my mom bought for me when I was a boy. They were not hand-me-downs but she always bought black slacks for me. And dress shirts. And black patent leather shoes. Here I was this dorky chubby kid, painfully aware of how uncool I looked, what torture! Just wanted you to know you were not alone in that aspect of childhood. To this day I hate black pants and baggy slacks.
I also hear you about bad bosses. I did anything I could to avoid bosses who were stupid and jerks, a particularly bad combo. I had a couple of them for a time but avoided those mostly. My brother told me recently that he went into business for himself just so he could avoid ever having to have a boss. Smart move.
I mentioned over in the neuropathy discussion about how I dealt with my depression by working on my "inner child". I can't say enough about just how powerful and effective that strategy was. As I mentioned before, my wife and I watched a series of John Bradshaw's shows on PBS in the 80's. The one I didn't mention was "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child". I think this and the other two, "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and "The Family" have the power to change a person's life, dramatically and permanently.
But it was the inner child work I did that made a HUGE difference for me. I recommend anyone interested to either look for those shows (maybe on youtube?) or get his books. They kind of all work synergistically so best to read all three if you are seriously looking to address your childhood issues. Mine led to decades of depression. I am way happier and more balanced now.
Best, Hank
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@jesfactsmon @jimhd Funny how I set out with good intentions to do a post for this conversation, then sidetrack myself. Avoidance? Fear of over-exposure? Combination of both? Probably. I have spent a lot of time reviewing my history of depression and anxiety, and currently am reviewing it again with a professional. John Bradshaw work was something I also did, and had forgotten about it. Like you, it changed many things for me, and I was also involved in 12-step work then. Looking back, it was very beneficial; as there wasn't a supportive family nor partner available to me.
As each of us will attest to, depression can be defined in different ways, and each of our stories are our own, even though there may be similarities. Even within the same family, an event will be interpreted differently. That doesn't make it "wrong" or "okay", it makes it what it is. For example, my mother's brother-in-law tickling me until I screamed was seen as no big deal. To me, it was terrifying, and 60 years later I remain leery of physical touch.
Is depression permanent? Small manifestations can be present all our lives. It takes hard work to gather ourselves each day, to get to the sunset each day, to see the sun rise each morning. We do what we have to. I don't want to live in a dark hole, but I have visited there. Often. I know the signs, even though growing up I had no idea that what I experienced was not usual for everyone else. I only knew what was usual for our family, and its glorious dysfunction. Am I successful in holding the depression at bay? Most days, yes.
@rollinsk started this discussion, but I have not seen any recent posts. Are you still reading? What are your thoughts?
Ginger