@mariajean03 Hi Maria, I'm sorry you are struggling. You have not gotten a divorce yet? Get brave and do it. Then you can start dating. I'm on Klonopin and usually just take it at night to help me sleep. I'm also on Lamictal and Lexapro. I was really fine until 2 months ago I had a 9 hour fusion back surgery from T-10 to my pelvis. Now I have been depressed and some anxiety. It's worse in the morning when I first get up and then I get better. Mine is also genetic and situational. My mom took her life at age 69. I'm going to be turning 69 on Friday. She was Manic Depressive or they call it Bipolar 1 now. My son has Bipolar 1 and is a professor, but cannot teach because of the mental illness.

Where do you live?. We live in a suburb of Des Moines, Iowa. Do you have some friends that could help you? I know what it's like having siblings having no contact. My son, his wife, and my precious granddaughter. We have no contact with them. Part of it is my son's wife and part of it is the bipolar 1. His dad was verbally abusive to both of out children. My daughter went to a church that had groups that helped her forgive him. I am so sorry they have abandon you. What is the reason? Do you know?

I'm pretty lucky, there other grandmother, who lives in Chicago, sends me pictures of Marlowe and if they are visiting there she lets Marlowe skype with us, but they are not going there this summer, so I won't be able to skype with Marlowe. My son's wife is also a professor and they live in NYC and she does research and teaches.
I'm sorry I can't help you more, but I do understand how much you must hurt. Be strong.