Oh my, you have been through a LOT of trauma. Depression and anxiety are expected responses to that. I suffer, too, and I believe the right medications have saved my life. Trauma changes our brains so that we are hyper-vigilent/anxious. Depression is so very common after any surgery, especially after an ordeal like yours. I hope you'll consider the restorative power of meds and maybe some talk therapy, too. (Full disclosure: I'm a therapist).
I'm glad you reached out here and I hope others will respond to your story. Be well and at peace … Babette