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My Opioid Addiction
MY OPIOID ADDICTION
My body is my major negative asset. I am riddled with pain. At a 5, 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale, I still function normally, just living through it. At a 10, I suffer in bed. As a youth I had occasional, classic aural/nausea migraines. They became more frequent and less severe, till they morphed into chronic daily headaches. Knee pain resulted in a knee replacement. But arthritis continues to attack my lower back and neck. My piriformis muscles too, add to the relentless pain.
I probably saw a hundred medical practitioners from both traditional medicine,-pain or neurology specialists, to alternative treatment, from acupuncture to cupping. Nothing worked except drugs... especially when oxycodone was introduced to the medical market.
My doctor was very enthusiastic. There was a medical mantra they all bought into that was clearly promoted by the drug company.
They believed that there was a difference between those who used oxycodone for recreational use who could be addicted, but if used for pain and no high was experienced, you could not become addicted, you were only ‘dependent’. I never experienced any high on opioids.
Somehow it was assumed that ‘dependent’ was a mild issue that could be easily rectified if necessary. You could just quit anytime. I started with Percocets a few times a day. It soon was not enough. My doc prescribed Oxycontin. It was soon not enough.
A friend had a fentanyl patch. My doc said he only prescribed a patch for terminal cancer patients. He upped the Oxycontin dose... again... and again. I continued to complain of pain. Finally he added a fentanyl patch. I began taking 160 mg of combined Oxycontin and Percocets, plus the patch.
I was a drug addict. I remember driving up the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto, in bumper to bumper, stop and go, rush hour traffic, in a drug stupor. I fell asleep at a pause and was only awakened by car horns urging me to move on. It was time to stop.
A pain specialist advised moving into a residential rehab facility. I opted for the do-it-yourself option. I researched the process and decided to do it on my own. It took me 6 months to get off the opioids.
I asked my wife what it was like when I was getting off the drug. “You lost your mind. You kept saying to everyone you saw the Buddha on the road. You wandered up and down the beach at the cottage buttonholing people and talking nonsense and breaking down crying.”
My cottage neighbour, a doctor, who observed me in this state, called it ‘ebullient emotion’, typical when patients have strokes or when in shock. I burst into bouts of convulsive weeping without any reason. I did that frequently during my detox.
I reduced my dose by 5mg a week. It was agony. After a couple of months the detox twisted my mind. I was nearly mad. Even when I was down to 5mg per day it was excruciating. I wanted to give up and get a strong dose, but I persisted.
I remember talking to Laurie, a pharmacist at Shoppers Drug Mart in Penetanguishene and asked her if there was anything I could take to get me over the agony on my last 5mg.
She asked how much I had reduced from. “160mg and a fentanyl patch,” I replied.
“On your own?’ she asked, incredulously.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s unheard of,” she said. Her face signalled shock.
Every time I hear one of many current statistical opioid stories on TV, I am reminded of my addiction and detox. For example: * There were 2833 opioid related deaths in Ontario last year. * In the USA, there were more than 70,200 overdose deaths in just 2017. More than 130 people died every day from opioid- related drug overdoses.
On TV as I wrote this, someone declared, “One hundred people die from gun violence in the USA every day”. 130 from opioids! 100 from gun violence! Are these not preventable?
I have been free of opioids for a few years now. The pain persists but I am better off than where I was. My wife had nightmares about my drugged period. “I thought we were going to lose you.” I am still here.
By the way, I really did see the Buddha on the road.
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Hi members,
Because Kratom is an unregulated substance, I like to post this message occasionally to help you with your research and making an informed decision about its use. Some of you have seen it before, so I post it for newcomers who may not have seen the message.
Kratom is a natural product but it does have significant risks and side effects. Because of these risks the FDA banned import of Kratom in August 2016 and issued a notice of intent to classify 2 chemicals in Kratom as Schedule 1 drugs (the same category as heroin). There are no FDA-approved uses for kratom, and the agency has received concerning reports about the safety of kratom. FDA is actively evaluating all available scientific information on this issue. (2019) https://www.fda.gov/news-events/public-health-focus/fda-and-kratom
Kratom can cause dependence and withdrawal symptoms including aggression, anxiety and other negative psychiatric effects, muscle aches, spasms, tremors, insomnia, fever and upset stomach. It can also cause dangerous slowed breathing and seizures. It can worsen psychiatric disease and may increase the risk of suicide. Kratom can impair liver function. Kratom interacts with other herbal medications including Jimson Weed. It interacts with sedating medications. It has the potential for many other drug interactions because of the way it is metabolized.
For more information see:
– National Institute of Health: Drug Facts, Kratom https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/kratom
– Center for Disease Control https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/news/20190411/cdc-americans-are-dying-from-kratom-overdoses#1
Here are additional articles from Mayo Clinic on Kratom:
– Kratom: Unsafe and ineffective https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/kratom/art-20402171
– Kratom for opioid withdrawal: Does it work? https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/prescription-drug-abuse/in-depth/kratom-opioid-withdrawal/art-20402170
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2 Reactions@sunflower3, welcome. One thing is for sure, you have a strong will. While stopping cold turkey isn't recommended, I'm glad you had medical assistance to keep you safe and hydrated. I'm curious. What made you feel like cold turkey was your option of choice? With your more recent injuries and operations, what choices did you make for pain management?
Hi Colleen, As I always do, I must write about the wonders of Kratom. Mine is approved by the American Kratom Association, and there are few Kratom companies that win this seal of approval. Studies of my Kratom are rigorous. Deaths from Kratom have been from abuse of it, just as any drug can be abused. I literally read police reports about it, and deaths were always from young adults "partying" with it. I never take Kratom every day, and have never experienced urges to have it or any side effects. I only take a moderate dosage. Just enough to have my pain disappear for about 3 hours. Nothing else helps me with my foot nerve damage. It is a blessing. Lori Renee1
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1 Reaction@jdiakiw Hi Jerry, I was a language arts/writing teacher of kids who did not know English for 35 years. Long story short, I was taught never to mark up a paper with red ink, red being an alarming, critical color. Also, I was taught to only pick 1 thing on a paper for a student to improve, and concentrate changing only that. So I would use a lavendar ink, and let's say, just put in periods where my student forgot to use them. Concentrate on improving 1 thing at a time!!!!!! This method worked!!!!!! Lori Renee
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2 Reactions@jdiakiw Hi Jerry, Oh my goodness, you were a superintendant of schools! I could sense your extreme education! You would have loved me as your teacher. I loved the article you wrote! I learned long ago in my teaching journey, that the main ingredient in learning all grammar and spelling is through reading!!!! Read, read, read, and the rest comes naturally!!!! No need at all for grammar or spelling lessons except for within the context of something that a child is working on. The main thing is to make sure the what a child reads is totally comprehensible; the student must make meaning, or is not reading!!!! Lots of kids who hate to read have learned this hate because they choose books way beyond their comprehension. During my quiet class reading time, I would sit in the back of the class, calling on 1 kid at a time, and checking on what they were reading to make sure it was comprehensible. If comprehensible, I would then help the student just enjoy the book!!!! I made avid readers out of kids. And the more they read, the more their writing would improve. The more they read, the more their grammar would improve. And throw away spelling books, altogether. A normal brain spells correctly, with occasional gliches. You might was to read the philosophies of Stephen Krashen, a learning a second language guru. His philosophies set me on the right track of teaching. So much of education is just taught wrong. Read this guy!!! You will adore him!!! Lori Renee
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3 ReactionsI am very familiar with Stephen. he and his many colleagues were all agreed with the same theory re language learning skills of reading and writing in my schools.
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1 Reaction@jdiakiw I just read your great article about your Africa adventure and enjoyed every paragraph. In the process, I read some interesting stories whose links show up. I wish neuropathy hadn't ended my hiking days. It's been 35 years since I backpacked Mt. Whitney with my wife's family. (She stayed behind in the trailer with our toddler in Yosemite's Tuolumne Meadows.) I'm still just breaking in the hiking boots I bought for that hike. The first night camping site after the easy half of the hike had a hostel type feel. When our son was a bit older we enjoyed day hikes and one night camping together. Your article brought back a host of good memories.
I don't remember what you said about your plans for the next trip. Was it a desert walk, or have you done enough of them? I live in the high desert in central Oregon. A lot of people followed the Oregon trail and found themselves in some unexpected conditions.
Jim
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3 Reactions@jimhd, @jdiakiw I too just read your article Jerry based on Jim's cue. Fascinating and impressive. The article creates a simiplicity of travel and experience otherwise thought to be daring, dangerous, unheard of. Well, perhaps in my little world but, not the world of a back packer. My Mom has traveled to Africa in all it's splendor on two occasions. She learned of the culture, and soaked up all that she could of the land, animals and people. She spent time in poor communities and with the children. On her second trip, she returned with luggage full of school supplies and toys for the children. It was humbling and eye opening to her as well. My mom is disabled and has limited walking ability therefore, backpacking was out of the question. She being the brave, strong willed, dare devil she is, would have definitely enjoyed your version much better than hers. Nonetheless, Africa remains permanently tattooed on her arm and in her heart. I'm ecstatic for you Jerry and your worldly adventures. Simply amazing.
PS: I completely understand your departure from chronic pain while adventuring. What a wonderful way to self medicate!
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2 ReactionsThanks rwinney. If interested you can see a sampling of some of my backpacking trips. Most recently to the Chalbi desert . And Oman. My favourite trips were from Istanbul thru Iran to Uzbekistan, Tajikistan and Kyrgestan to China and the aaaan des China ....also from the tip of India to the top at Kathmandu.
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1 Reactionhttps://www.flickr.com/photos/yaroslawd/
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