A short answer won't be enough but I'll try. I had many false starts when my efforts went backwards because of other physical impediments including those caused by terrible physical therapy. I'm not a Pollyanna but trained myself to extract something from every experience positive or negative. And find a way to use them in the puzzle of existence to my advantage. My 77 BD is next month. Unfortunately everyone operates in their best interest. Even those whose profession is helping. Something remains submersed. Having a strong sense of self helps one steel their will to continue. Thinking out of the box is necessary use your imagination in concert with your knowledge. You know yourself better than anyone else. It works or I wouldn't be able to function. You can do it.