@jimhd Jim, you are a work horse and I admire, respect and commend you. It sounds like you stop for nothing and push through until your body absolutely does not allow. You accomplish way more than my body could ever imagine but, I understand there are repercussions and fear of not being able to keep pushing in the future. It is not easy to accept change and letting go of things that bring happiness to us overachievers who can be self destructive die hards.

I've discovered there are 2 ways of looking at this (at least in my mind anyway):

1. medications allow masking of pain and enable us to prevail and live some of the life we dream of and were used to prior to our disabilities

2. we are causing more harm to our bodies by using such medications which allow a false pretense therefore not learning pacing and how to adjust and lower our expectations from our disabilities

I'm an over thinker and weigh both scenarios quite often. Kathy @avmcbellar, in her previous posts, speaks of not taking medications by choice and dealing with what life has dealt her. That is incredible! Now, to me that says...either she is one resilient lady who has self discipline and can willfully and graciously accept less in life because of her pain... or, her pain is somewhat controllable and has not escalated to the point of desperation which has disrupted her life and permitted her of life's pleasures and/or accomplishments.

Please note, I'm not saying these are truths for Kathy...just my opinion and observations on how we as people handle pain situations very differently and how each of our situations are quite unique.

Jim, you sound alot like me in not wanting to accept defeat at any cost. I often wonder if I'm putting drugs in my body because I'm too impatient to settle and pace myself, and learn a new existence which is not my typical style. Truth be told I've had to learn a new existence regardless of drugs. On the other hand...I get a quick fix by using medications and still am only able to do the best I can with what I've got but, am I enabling further pain, future harm to my organs and long term dysfunctions? Probably.

Not all of us are privileged in the fact that medications are a "choice". I realize many are kept alive by medications and have no choice but, to take them. It confuses me to no end and I wish none of us were in these situations to even have these discussions.

Jim, I'm so glad you talked it out tonight. You had quite a couple of days. I hope you rest well and get control of what is new to the table for you. As always, I wish you the best with peace and comfort.
Rachel