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@aliali, I'm not sure how helpful this will be but it may just be food for thought to help you down the path. I believe you are asking a question that many people struggle with at times including myself. I had the opportunity to listen to Dr Amit Sood in person a few years back and he really had some good tips and strategies to share on how the brain works. He has a Ted Talk YouTube video that you may find interesting if not helpful - Happy Brain: How to Overcome Our Neural Predispositions to Suffering: https://youtu.be/KZIGekgoaz4
I also found an article in Psychology Today that you might find helpful if you have not already seen it.
The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/200809/the-path-unconditional-self-acceptance
Have you read any books on self-acceptance or reconciliation?
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When a big change in life comes along - illness, divorce, loss or other life transition - you may lose your grip on comfort with yourself. Passages, The Road Less Traveled, Leo Buscaglia, Sara Ban Breathnach (Day Book of Comfort and Joy) are some that will help you recognize where you are. Guilt, blaming and shame are just horrid; a talk therapist can help, but affirmations on your mirror can help change the direction of your thought. I like the Velveteen Rabbit (once you are real..), Prayer of Jabez, and the song Gently Down the Stream, but find your own meaningful quotes. EFT tapping, intentional breathing help with that. It takes some work if you hear someone, even yourself, denigrating who you are. Let yourself be, do things that enrich your life (art, walking in nature, time with a friend, read something uplifting, eat real food) and hydrate. Consider an anti-depressant for focus.