Connect
← Return to Neuropathy in feet and limited toe movement?
Discussion
Neuropathy in feet and limited toe movement?
Neuropathy | Last Active: Nov 11, 2020 | Replies (150)Comment receiving replies
@plbelanger @summertime4 @jesfactsmon @rwinney @lorirenee1 and all of the people here who have become a source of strength to me.
My first therapist told me that I was the best mask wearer she'd ever seen. A lifetime of working in a caring profession had made it necessary to learn how that's done, though I think I carried it a few notches higher than was healthy.
Your kind words have touched my heart and I thank you all.
@plbelanger I started with more pain in my right foot, but it soon evened out. Then I had surgery on my left ankle a year ago, to repair all the damage in ligaments and muscle. The surgeon put in a permanent internal splint to prevent me from rolling my ankle and tearing things up again. Since then, the pain in that ankle seems different from the neuropathy pain. So, double the flavor, double the fun.
Hank, @jesfactsmon thanks for the timely tune. With the comorbidity of chronic pain and depression and PTSD and so on, I have lots of times when I want to give up. I talked with my therapist about this today. It's no longer something that's in the forefront of my thoughts, but even so, it's there, just under the surface. So, @summertime4 , you're not alone. My father drummed into me that big boys don't cry, and by teaching me that he handicapped me emotionally. But when I was in the safe facility after attempting suicide, the dam broke, and I couldn't stop crying. I have a few times since then, but I feel constricted, so the tears are like an underground stream. I have the feelings that accompany tears, but they don't surface.
I'm going to stop here before I do something that blasts my message into cyberspace, where I can't retrieve it. I'll chance it to say one more thing. I often hear myself and others apologize for being negative or down or complaining. If we can't express our real thoughts here, where so many of us have much in common, where we're heard but not judged, where else can we go? I know there are other places we can turn to, and it's good to have those resources. There are times, though, when Connect is the only available option for some. I hope we can continue to make it a safe haven in life's storms.
Love and blessings to you all.
Jim
Replies to "@plbelanger @summertime4 @jesfactsmon @rwinney @lorirenee1 and all of the people here who have become a source..."
Jim, thanks for this post. I really hear you about your dad. Mine was a caring loving person but he also had that attitude so prevalent in the WWII generation of stiff upper lip (for boys) and don't indulge in emotion. You are absolutely correct in identifying how it affected us, their kids. To this day I usually feel ashamed of showing emotion outwardly, while knowing intellectually that there is nothing wrong with it. Thanks WWII fathers!
Connect has been an unexpected surprise to me. I am keeping up with it first and foremost to stay abreast of info regarding PN on behalf of my digitally and cyber challenged spouse. So no, I do not suffer directly from chronic pain. But Connect is a real learning experience for me. I am very private as well as very independent, to the point where I don't generally confide much in others, which includes family, most of whom see life very differently from myself. I do seem to connect with many people on this forum though (Connect, pretty apt name, eh?). I think it's partly because people who live in dire pain every day see life in a different context, from a different perspective. What they are grateful for are things most people don't give a second thought about because they have never dealt with horrid pain every day and every night. You are all members of a very special, dare I say elite, group. You do not wish to be members, didn't ask to be inducted, but here you are.
I feel a genuine sense of privilege to be able to sit among you who share this alternate reality of suffering which is inhabited by only a few. You'd give up being a member of this pain sufferer "club" in a heartbeat, but since you are in it and must endure the consequences that membership entail, you reap the rewards as well. What rewards, you ask? Okay, without getting metaphysical or religious or talking about a purpose for you in this life, etc, etc, I will just give you my opinion. A reward for living with pain as your constant companion is that you gain insights into life and a perspective on life that most other people in the world have no idea about. You may occupy the same world physically, but you live in a different word mentally and emotionally. And the fact that it (pain) exists for you and no matter what you do it will not go away, ultimately it humbles you. OK, you might not feel humble today, maybe you are just angry. Today. But you can only be angry for so long. Eventually you have to put that ego aside and say (to the universe?) "Okay, so what's the plan?".
Humility is a quality that is not freely available to most people. But it is a quality that does bring out your better self ultimately. I would say that when faced with a fact of life that you obviously can not change, it's time to accept it. Be humble and enjoy that humility. It's at least something you have and have earned. Yeesh, I am sorry if this sounds preachy or something. I don't mean it to. I just have so much respect for you Pain Warriors. I live with one. I know it seems like nothing you'd ever ask for (i.e. this life of pain you inhabit) but since you are here, try to be aware of things that you are being given in addition to the pain. OK, enough. If you are still reading this, Jim and others, thanks. It's an honor. Really!
Mine started in my right foot and stayed in only that foot for years then it spread to my left and my left is much worse than my right now.
Connect
❤