@jimhd I know what you mean about emotional pain Jim. I had most of the worst of mine from about 9 years old until I was about 35 (just did not feel like I fit into the world). My suicidal thoughts happened mostly during high school and college, with the crescendo being when I was about 23, had graduated and was working for the Chicago Transit Authority living alone in an apt. in Chicago. I was steeped in depression, tried to sleep as long as possible, often like almost 14 hours a day. Yup, my pain came early. I had a God epiphany one day and it melted me into submission and sheer joy (I didn't believe in him before that). That was the start of my healing.

My dad was a very loving person in his own way but did have the bbdc syndrome and passed it on too me and my brothers. A lot of guys our age were raised that way as it is how men were told to be back then. Thank god that has changed. I feel for you Big Jim, I definitely understand THAT type of pain. I am so glad you came through your darkness and are in a better place. Best, Hank