Connect
← Return to Downsizing, To Move or Not to Move? That is the Question
Discussion
Downsizing, To Move or Not to Move? That is the Question
Aging Well | Last Active: Mar 23 9:13pm | Replies (473)Comment receiving replies
I agree @rosemarya This is a great topic! Here are a few of the things my wife and I considered, @fiesty76
My wife and I first began talking about downsizing when our last child left for college and we wanted a change too.
We began by making a list of those things in our lives we valued the most and wanted to try and preserve as we made this change. Unlike many others, one of the things on our list was that we did NOT want to move to be close to our children. We never wanted them to feel any pressure to not take a new job, etc. because ‘mom and dad moved here to be close to us’. We considered pets, yard space, weather (we love the Midwest and the changes in seasons), low maintenance/upkeep desires, what we could dejunk and what we might want to give to family and friends while we were still alive, and much more. We worked on our list for over a year – and over time items on it did change, move up or down on the priority list, or move off or on. We did this exercise well in advance of my wife’s brain cancer and were forever happy we had done it early.
One of the benefits was we were very aware of the importance to us of floorplan of any place we might live. As it turned out, due to this planning and foresight, we were able to have very doable home hospice care in our home when my wife’s condition demanded hospice care and she really wanted to do it at home.
I will admit our views were tinted by a very unhappy decision my parents made about moving to a ‘graduated care’ community. They discovered there were huge gaps in what was considered ‘full care’ when my father fell ill and as my mother’s needs also changed. While it was a financially very costly decision, my mother finally packed up and left that community. So we had no desire to have one of those in our plans.
We also decided that our decisions would not be ‘forever’ decisions, but look at what we decided as right at the time, but subject to change. I continue to hold this view as I am happy where I am now, but know fully a change in my physical condition, etc. will demand further adjustments.
Now I'm happy where I am, but know full well my physical or mental capabilities could change in the future and demand further changes.
Was this a bit of what you were wondering about?
Replies to "I agree @rosemarya This is a great topic! Here are a few of the things my..."
Thank you, @IndianaScott for your thought provoking post.
You mentioned a consideration that is a primary one for me as well. My sil is a very creative, restless spirit who loves to explore new career ventures and challenges. Once a thoracic surgeon and cancer researcher at M.D. Anderson, he has changed careers three more times and now is CEO of a medical research corp based in their new state of Colorado. Who knows where he will want to venture next.
While I've owned my present home for nearly 50 yrs, one of my earliest thought was that whatever downsizing decision I reached, I wanted it to be a "last stop option". Since then, I've come to the same conclusion you and your wife reached and see a move as a "next step" not necessarily a "forever one".
I appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts in decision making and am especially glad that your floor plan determinations worked well for your wife's hospice-at-home setting.
Connect
@rosemarya. So many of us are aging and are struggling with that decision. We actually had our whole house painted, inside and out, before my cirrhosis was diagnosed. That caused us to stop but we should have gotten moving shortly after my transplant. I think at that point we just needed to breathe for a while, but we waited too long and now aging has made the task more daunting.
Like @danab, our home is a large four bedroom home. We do have many wonderful memories here. We moved to this house when my son was 7, and my daughter was 5. Despite our home being larger than the homes we are looking at, the newer, much smaller homes often cost more than we would get for 30 year old home.
My husband definitely wants a first floor master bedroom. When we first planned on a move we were thinking more of a smaller home, not in a community, but now we are thinking of a home in a community that has a Homeowner’s Association to manage the outdoor upkeep such as plowing and lawn care.
Another important consideration for us as we age is proximity to essential services, particularly to medical care. I have most of my medical care in Boston at Mass General, so we do not want to increase the time it takes to get there. It’s about 55 miles from us, down Route 93 but that drive can take as long two hours during heavy traffic times.
One more essential for us is excellent cell phone reception since my cell phone pairs much better with my hearing aids than it does with our landline phone.
We have other more personal requirements such as at least two bedrooms plus another room that can be used as a bedroom, because our son and daughter live out of state and we always want room for them when they visit, and we are used to an attached two car garage and want the same.
I agree with @IndianaScott I do not want to move close to our children and make them feel boxed in to a location. Both have said when one of us passes the remaining one of us should move in with them, or at least close by. The only way either of us would do that would be if it would make their lives simpler rather than trying to look after a parent who lives a distance away.
As @fiesty76 commented, both son and daughter would be quite capable of handling things but I do not to burden them with any more than necessary.
JK