You probably pretty much know what you need in order to be able to hear, but your sister doesn't. You have to educate her. First, you have to educate yourself. You both have to learn that she has to get your attention before she speaks to you. And, you have to see her face to understand her when she speaks to you. That alone can resolve a lot of issues. If the TV or any other audio device is on in the room where you want to communicate, it has to be turned down or off. Background noise is devastating to a person with hearing loss. You have to explain that to her.

If you watch TV together, work out an agreement...no talk when it's on unless whomever has the remote control mutes the TV. We all know that commercials are generally louder than regular programs, and it's during commercials when we try to talk. There is always going to be a problem with spontaneity. People are used to expecting an immediate response when they speak to someone.

Research into hearing loss behaviors shows that the average time it takes for a hard of hearing person to respond to a simple question is 5 seconds. That feels a lot longer to someone who is expecting a quick yes or no response. This is especially true when the person with hearing loss is not expecting a question. But, it also happens in the midst of conversations sometimes when we have to put several thoughts together to respond. This has nothing to do with intellect or cognitive decline. It's because it takes us a bit more time to process what we've heard, and we want to respond correctly.

Never try to communicate across barriers. If your sister is in one room and you are in another, you may hear her say something but you will not understand her. Just learn to NOT do that. Even something so simple as water running creates the barrier of background noise that distorts speech. It's always best for couples, friends or family members, to set aside a time and quiet space to sit down and talk. That takes some planning, but it sure helps.

Living well with hearing loss is a two way street. We have to understand that our hearing loss is a problem for others too. It's that spontaneity thing we are all so used to. We annoy them. If they understand what is going on with us it helps a lot. It helps even more if they know we are doing all we can to hear the best we can. I always tell people about the 3 F's related to hearing loss. Fear of not hearing or of making others upset...or of not being employable, etc. Frustration, not only ours but that of others and Fatigue. Fatigue is something that happens when you spend extra energy doing something you want to do...like concentrating on hearing. It's exhausting to concentrate for long periods of time. We get too tired to listen. That happens faster if we're trying to listen in a difficult environment. Research in education shows that children with hearing loss expend three times as much energy listening as kids with typical hearing do. That means that a single hour of listening for the HH child is like 3 hours for other kids. Big difference. Those who teach these children have to understand that. So do we as adults.

Many people I know have found comfort in participating in HLAA chapters where people can talk about these issues. It's amazing how much it helps to learn you are not alone with these issues. And, it's wonderful therapy for couples to get involved together. I hope there is an HLAA chapter in your area. If not, start one. http://www.hearingloss.org

Two of the most wonderful people I've met through my involvement in HLAA were sisters; one with hearing loss, the other with normal hearing. One was a widow, the other, who had the hearing loss, was a federal employee who worked for years in a foreign embassy. She had never married. They were both in their 70s when I met them. They had to learn coping strategies because they lived together. They shared a ton of information with others through the magazine HLAA produces. It was such a pleasure knowing them. Another perk of being involved in HLAA is meeting incredible people.