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How do you accept change as you age?
Aging Well | Last Active: Nov 7, 2020 | Replies (277)Comment receiving replies
@parus, @IndianaScott
I'm happy to be back after my hiatus from Connect to campaign for my local Representative and others. I've found that I'm not interested in the frustrations of the national election this year. I cherish my work with Mayo Connect and was happy to see that you and others are still contributing here.
I too have been very concerned about COVID19 and what it means for those of us considered "elderly." I've honestly never thought of myself as elderly, just older/ mature, lol. My husband assures me that I'm elderly. We're not holding anyone back, and if we are it's a good thing. The virus is still too active for people to be out and about. As elders we can demonstrate by our behavior that it's OK to stay in for extended periods of time.
An excellent resource for me as I age has been a book titled, From Age-ing to Sage-ing; A Revolutionary Approach To Growing Older, by Zalman Schachter-Shalomi and Ronald S. Miller. I will quote a couple of passages from the book's Introduction to give a feeling of the book's contents.
"As part of the emerging approach to late-life development, the contemporary sage draws on 3 sources: models of the traditional tribal elder whose wisdom guided the social order for thousands of years; state of the art breakthroughs in brain-mind and consciousness research; and the ecology movement, which urges us to live in harmony with the natural world. These forces converge in the sage, whose explorations in consciousness are giving birth to an elderhood that is appropriate for the modern world."
"Throughout most of history, elders occupied honored roles in society as sages and seers, leaders and judges, guardians of the traditions, and instructors of the young. They were revered as gurus, shamans, wise old men and women who helped guide the social order and who initiated spiritual seekers into the mysteries of inner space. . . . with the Industrial Revolution . . . . elders lost their esteemed place in society and fell into the disempowered state that we now ascribe to a 'normal` old age. Today as the Age Wave crests all about us and we confront existential questions about the purpose of our extended longevity, we are searching for new myths and models to ennoble the experience of old age."
This book helps me to better understand my new role as an elder. I think some of our current problems with younger adults feeling it's "unfair" to even quarantine for a comparatively short period of time, and demanding their "freedom to get a hamburger" when they want, despite the global health Pandemic, are the result of elders not asserting and sharing our learned wisdom with our families. I work to be heard in my family, which isn't easy. The tendency is to discount what elders have to offer because we grew up in different situations. Nonetheless, our wisdom is needed. I persist until what I offer is acknowledged and even accepted by some of my 10 grandchildren, and 3 children/step-children.
I believe I have much to offer my family and others, as well as much to learn as a "wise old woman."
Replies to "@parus, @IndianaScott I'm happy to be back after my hiatus from Connect to campaign for my..."
@gailb Welcome back. I have been rather scarce for various reasons. Mostly trying to keep my head from going to unhealthy places.
GailBL, wow, thank you for sharing the book and some of it contents. I can relate to much of what this book is about. I have followed the Native American way of life for many years and I have made a point to live as close to nature as I safely can. I try to practice being one with whatever I am involved in at that moment. For example, if I am in the woods I am one with the trees, the ground and everything that encompuses my surroundings. I have a wonderful and meaningful relationship with everything in nature. I feel the energy that nature expels. I can hold a common rock in my hand and feel the energy. I agree with the Indian faith and how they express their values. I find them to be an honorable people and I feel honored to be a part of it. As for being heard by family, I have been trying to be heard for a long time now. The value put on elders by younger people is nearly non-existent. like you, I believe I too have a lot to offer but for the most part my words fall on deaf ears. But even more than not being heard is the fact that even when I am heard it's met with disagreement. I am told, Times are different now, times have changed and that I am only living in the past, that things just aren't done like that anymore..etc etc. I wonder just when time changed the fact that children should respect their elders, when did time say it's ok for children to argue with adults and when did time tell our younger adults that it's their way or no way. Somehow, I must have missed something. I find it extremely disturbing how the children are being raised today. They are disrespectful, they use words that I didn't hear till I was in my teens, they seem to think they have the right to pretty much do what they want to. I know of a family that not only allowed but encouraged a 15 year old boy to watch porn, mom says, he is only allowed to watch the sites she has picked for him. she said she has picked out some sites that don;t have rape or abuse in them. Mom claimed she felt it was better if he watches porn at home in case he should have any questions, she would be there to answer them. Also stating, she picked out healthy porn instead of just any ole porn. This same child is now claiming that he is gay and wants to transition from boy to girl, and he has been known to have made sexual advances toward a 6 year old girl. So much for healthy porn. Children nowadays have a lot of rotten things to over come and fight against. Drugs, open sex, terrorist, gangs, etc. and they can't do it without guidance. My great grandchildren have a different set of values at my house than they do at theirs. I won't accept swearing in my home, mom said she doesn't mind if they swear at home but not to do it in public. She and I had a few words about that but they are her kids and she will raise them her way. But not in my home. I will not tolerate being disrespectful of adults and I bow my head in prayer before meals and they follow suit. I have explained that when they are at my house they go by my rules, what they do at home is something their parents will have to deal with. I am hoping that in some way i can instill at least a few healthy thoughts and habits and that when I am gone they will remember what I have tried to teach them. I don't force prayer on them because mom is a self proclaimed atheist, and doesn't want me to encourage religion of any kind,soooo I teach by example. I always say grace before meals, they do it because I do it. One of the boys ask a lot of questions about God and I answer him to the best of my ability, one day I was at their home for dinner and he bowed his head and prayed all on his own. mom didn't say anything, he also likes listening to our favorite preacher and will ask for me to turn the station to what he calls "The Man". I try to live my life in a way that honors me. one that I can be proud of and one day pass on to my grandchildren, also to honor others. I do not judge, I do not hate, I use words that reflect quiet ,peaceful intentions. I love you is something that is said very often, randomly and intentional. We cuddle and watch movies and I still tickle and play with them. There is an abundance of hugs and kisses shared , and a simple and random " are you okay" can mean a lot. Just today, I paid for the meal of the car behind me in the drive thru at McDonalds. my grandson was with me and just looked at me and smiled. He knew it was in my heart. Sometimes saying nothing at all can speak volumes. Teaching by example is something that will be remembered. Sometimes the words that are heard the loudest are the one not said. My favorite saying is this..".When you were born, you cried and the while world rejoiced, live your life in such a way that when you die, you rejoice and the whole world cries." I don't remember who wrote it but I I would like to think that I can live that kind of life. My goals are to do God's work by helping others in need, to write a book, and to be the best grandmother I can possibly be. From one " wise old woman to another" Thank you
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I am 90 yrs old. I tested negative.How about you?