I totally understand your feelings about the controlling church, I too have been there. However, don’t let that take away the free gift Christ has given us, no church has an exclusive right to that...it is between you and Jesus...the forgiveness of our sins and the salvation we receive because of it is God’s personal gift to you...freely given with no strings attached...our lives here on this earth are really tough and miserable, but we have a heavenly home waiting for us where everything will be perfect.