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@santolina welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I really am glad that you have been looking through the groups here and decided to post your worries. Like Jim @thankful said, we are not medical professionals, but we will absolutely step up and share with you the things that have worked for us or not worked for us. Depression is a sneaky thing, and comes in little bits at a time. Suddenly we stop and look around and look backwards and see how deeply it is affecting us.
I'm sorry to have read that your friends took your retirement funds. Was there any legal recourse to do with that situation and try to rectify it?
What has brought you Joy in your life? Do you have a hobby or a pastime that you put aside long time ago that you could start up again? Perhaps a craft that is portable that you could do on your lunch hour at work? Having to commute to work, do you take an audible book with you to listen to? Maybe you could find some interesting novels that way and it would help pass the time. I bet when you come home and you see the wagging tail of your dog so happy to see you, must put a smile on your face, right? Taking some time each week for exercise, however that may be for you, will also help lift your mood. I know for me just getting out to walk is always a good thing.
I have suffered from depressive episodes many times, and even though the idea of getting dressed enough to go outside to walk is daunting, I know I always feel better! Like Jim had commented I look for the details as I walk and that seems to help me get through. If you are a writer, journaling might be just the right thing for you. You don't have to read what you have written you could just burn it if you want. If your employer has an EAP program, contact them and see about talking to a counselor. You shouldn't have to burden yourself with all of this.
We are here to help you as we can,
Ginger
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My passion for 40 years were horses and ALL that encompassed. I trained, showed, owned my own 52 stall facility, taught, sponsored shows and clinics. But broken backs, trashed knees, beat up shoulders eventually showed me I had to quit as in my professional opinion if I could NOT keep a horse safe if they had an issue, I became a detriment and that was just not acceptable. The horses ALWAYS came first, before the owners, before sleep, food, holidays. THEY were my teachers and taught me more than any human could. But their safety was more important than my pleasure so I had to quit. Sold the facility to "friends" who proceeded to default on the loan. And I did foreclose on them but the deliberate damage they did made it impossible to start back up, so managed to sell it for less than half of what I was owed. But for a couple that had been a client who heard about the mess, hired an attorney on our behalf and allowed me to pay them back over a 5 year period, we would have been homeless...I owe them our very lives.And yes, I could have sued them for the tremendous, deliberate damage they caused but that would have meant another year or two of dealing with their toxicity and it came down to how much is right worth. I used to journal and not read it for some time. It saddened me to read what I had written and became too painful to continue.
I am VERY grateful to one of my sisters who told me about your site as knowing there is a safe place to ask questions, read of others, etc is comforting.
I am just going to have to struggle and find my path, if indeed there still is one. I know with certainty that meds made it far too difficult to work and I have to for survival so hoping all you wonderful people will give me ideas so that I can somehow find a reason to stay until the Universe says otherwise.
Thank you.