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januaryjane (@januaryjane)

Living with emotionally challenged family

Mental Health | Last Active: Mar 1, 2020 | Replies (4)

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Hi, @januaryjane – I can see that you have been through a lot and are trying to work through past hurts and find a way forward to relate to your parents while you are living in their home.

Sounds like you are standing up for yourself when necessary, but keeping quiet when you can tolerate what you see going on.

One of the things you mentioned doing is to let go of the relationship you've always wanted with your dad. I have had to do that, too, with certain relatives: basically just allow myself to grieve that I don't have the relationship I really wanted with them. I have found it freeing to acknowledge it as a real loss that I'm free to mourn.

I'd like to invite @gingerw @secretwhitepop @amberpep @kdo0827 @sandij @rwinney into this conversation to offer their input and perhaps share from relevant experiences and any successes they have had with relationships to their relatives.

You said that your parents cannot see such simple things or the truth. Will you share more about that, januaryjane? What would you say they are missing?

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Replies to "Hi, @januaryjane - I can see that you have been through a lot and are trying..."

They dont really take ownership for their actions, then or now. They dont see that what they did, neglect me, not keep me safe. But im the one who has to live with the consequences. Growing up i never had help or understanding. Even as i fought these demons with therapy and medication. They still dont "get" these are life long wounds. From pills to ptsd, they are never there. Never really tried. Thats a double whammy when its your parent and they helped with the damages. Its not me forgiving them, ive done a lot of that. But sometimes im treated so crappy, or think i have to keep my mouth shut about anything that might offend them. And im a pretty mature and responsible person. Theres also no conflict resolution. Ive tried, many ways, but things cannot be solved through verbal communication. My mom thinks im trying to start a fight or argue when im trying to approach a subject that needs to be talked about. Im always the bad guy so i decided to quit. Although i will speak up if need be. Its just crazy, so unhealthy.
And the fact that they dont see my brother for the heartless creature he still is, amazes me.