@rwinney Rachel, I can no longer be without marijuana or Kratom. I do not even know if it's purely physical, or has become partly emotional/mental from becoming utterly worn out from dealing with pain. I know I have to have that stuff, and it is scarey to me. Have I become addicted? Does it matter? Is marijuana really safe? But without it, the pain can be like child birth, maybe worse. So what am I to do? The whole thing sucks. Marijuana is not the answer to pain. Like you said so perfectly, we are trapped in our bodies, but our minds want to live as normal. We want to just fly free of sickness. It is becoming that I feel more normal, more like my natural, healthy self when I have marijuana in me. The me without it is in a constant struggle, with the beast of pain winning the battle. I feel our vitality. I feel our illness. Sometimes I hate feeling....Lori