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Thanks for asking. Last night I had my first episode with a high fever, post splenectomy in October. I wanted to put my head in the sand but I did make myself do what I was advised to do and went to the ER. And in a far away city where I’m working this week. Source of infection still undetermined; more follow up scheduled back at Mayo Rochester on Friday because the labs are looking odd. The feeling of threat, am I ok or is my cancer back, is never that far away. I wish denial worked but it really doesn’t. I’m back into blood draws, checking labs in the app. Cancer is never really out of mind. And while I write this, I realize I am among the luckiest – caught early, margins clear, etc, but the memory of hearing I had cancer and the fear of dying is still fresh and might not be so different.

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Replies to "Thanks for asking. Last night I had my first episode with a high fever, post splenectomy..."

@lml, Good for you for getting to ER. It was the right thing to do although the head in the sand may have seemed easier. May I ask what you found out from your appointment on Friday?

To LML -your statement "feeling of threat" is profound, I was not able to phrase it as that. And denial crops up also – reverts to childhood thought process for me; if not recognized it may go away. My spirituality is very sincere with daily thoughts of that I am here. Six years now and fighting for more life and daily prayers of thanksgiving.. We have to keep the LIFE a very superior element of our thinking. Your last sentence "Cancer — and continuing to the end of your paragraph", I recall when the Dr. spoke the word cancer – can only describe my brain as expanding and retracting. I asked my son who was standing near me if he was okay with this – he said yes; and everything ran its course since then. Please try to move past what we feel is our life sentence – I try to live in the thoughts of Brother Lawrence, "The Practice of the Presence of God". Wishing you peace and courage. P.