Hi @swartzki, I gave up work because of SFPN, my feet were so painful that it made simple walking a chore. I did work from home for over a year, that was much better. Luckily I was able to file for disability. I soon found that I filled my days with new activities, like studying the Bible. Grandchildren were and still are an important part of my life. I was fatigued, so I took naps. It took some time to even partially accept my SFPN condition and even today I still think there will be a turnaround someday. Its not unusual to feel abandoned by God.
In fact ,its probably normal. Your faith will wax and wane over time.Let the thoughts come and then let them go. Look for God working in your life despite how you feel. Hold on to your love of your grandchildren. You will know when its time to cut back at work and know that you might go kicking and screaming. We never know when our last day might be so give thanks for today. Your job is just to show up each day, for worrying never solved one thing. Wigs are in, so what color do you want to be today? Letting go of pride is so difficult, it still is for me. Ask yourself, what is the worst that might happen ? might our life expectancy be shortened or lengthened? will we all just be going home, back to God, "Return to Love" as Marianne Williamson has so wonderfully been quoted.
Keep the faith,lose the pride,stay the course and Pray for guidance and know that you are loved. David

Here is a pick me up for you! 😊

I've been struggling alot too lately and yesterday my beautiful daughter, who's away at college, sent me these gorgeous flowers. What a surprise! Blessings lurk around every corner. Sometimes we must look very hard for them and other times they may be looking us right in the face. Be well today.

Rachel

@swartzki

Hi, David. I'm still here. Depression is managed by a few medications right now. I'm between therapists and would probably benefit from finding one. The last one I had was on a very different plane than I, so I stopped seeing her several months ago. This week my PCP told me that she was gone and there is a new one. Maybe one of these days I'll get an appointment to meet with him or her.

I'm feeling like my meds are keeping serious depression at bay, but it feels artificial. Maybe that's not the best word. Depression is at the surface of my consciousness, with thoughts of death not far behind. Of course it's not a straight line. Up one day and down the next. The psychiatrist called it depressive bipolar. As a rule, Sundays are good, going to church. I wish it wasn't a 30 minute drive because it's a lot of driving there and back for morning service and the same for the evening. The road has places that never thaw when it's cold as it is now, and the drive home is really hard because of oncoming headlights. Driving in general is becoming problematic because of my double vision. I have to keep extra focused. I have an appointment with the ophthalmologist in February and I hope he'll help me with it. If I look at a sign, I see the sign itself and a second one, less focused slightly above and to the left of it.

Diplopia is just one more sign of autonomic neuropathy. I don't know if there's any treatment for it. Special glasses work for some people.

Hope all is well with you.

Jim