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@mamacita In 1988, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. It was a months-long process involving a lot of tests and biopsies to come up to that definitive diagnosis. At that time, and perhaps even now, it was awkward to get a handle on, as there are so many symptoms that vary from person to person. Doesn't that kind of sound like being on the autism spectrum? I recall a nurse telling me, "Gee, you don't look sick" as I checked in at my rheumatologist's office one day back in 1990. That sounds like autism, and the way we may be seen by others, doesn't it? Perhaps I've gotten used to comments like that, perhaps I've gotten good at masking, really good at masking. Being on the spectrum is part of the Civil War that my body and mind carry-on between themselves.
Ginger
Replies to "@Mamacita In 1988, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. It was a months-long process involving a..."
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Absolutely spot on, @gingerw ....Sometimes I feel so at home and comfortable in my own skin I will even forget for awhile who I am.
I will go all day long running one errand after another because I "have to."
And by "have to" it usually means I feel responsible for taking care of someone else. I won't take time out to just put my feet up and rest in between medical appointments for another individual. Never mind that the next day the nerve damage in my feet will not let me even walk three feet with my crying out in pain.
As I write this my sweet hubby is dropping off my totally disabled adult daughter to have a test done at the hospital. He insisted on taking my place today. He says I am too infirm myself to take her to two and three appointments several times a week.
He's right.
But I don't want to admit that.
If I don't take better care of myself I won't be able to help anyone.
She is my child and I feel so deeply for her circumstances. Yet because of my sensitive nature, because I feel such empathy, because I am an Aspie, it is vitally important that I pull off the masks. It is important to remember that I can be easily overwhelmed if I neglect my own well being as I serve another.
All my senses are all over the place. But when I take time to meditate, read, pray, cook, or listen to music, I am feeding my soul. Then I do not struggle to "fit in."
I just live.
I hope this makes some degree of sense.
Love and hugs everyone,
Mamacita Jane