Depression and cancer diagnosis: Today is a rough day

My mum was diagnosed SMM. I am very close to her. The diagnosis has changed me. I am depressed every day and always wake up at midnight, wanting to cry.

Many people suffer from depression. Sadly the outside public see a person who looks healthy but they do not see the inner pain. I sat and cried two to three times a day for what I thought was no good reason. The reason was depression. Thanks heavens for a good physchologist who dismissed me after about six months. I still feel a bit overwhelmed at times, but I can now function as a normal person again. There is no stigma to seeing a doctor for your mental health.

Kat I have smm too and don't want my daughter to be depressed. I guess I'm scared enough for both of us. I told her it is a bone marrow disorder. I haven't had any treatment yet because it's wait and watch. Although I'm hooked up with Mayo Clinic now and may qualify for a trial. If I do that I will have to tell everyone more. I agree with everyone that having mental health support as well as a support group is necessary. Pleasedont be depressed alone. xxxooo

@azkidney57 It is not unusual to feel doom-and-gloom after a serious diagnosis. You look at your life from a very different point of view than the week or month before. I know for me, all colors seemed brighter, everything was in such a sharp focus. My most serious conditions are malignant melanoma [surgery Dec 2008], non-treatable rare kidney disorder [kidney function at 33%], and smoldering multiple myeloma [on a "wait-and-watch" plan, labs every 3 months]. But, I tell myself I am not those maladies. I am me. Do I get depressed at what may be a shortened life? Yes, sometimes. Will I be able to accomplish all I want to do? Maybe, maybe not, but that won't stop me from trying. What is important to me, now, may not be the same as the next person. And vice-versa. We each have an expiration date, and my plan is to make the most of my time. Seeing that I do not like labels, I am who I am, and happen to have these things going on in my life. But, it is still my life to make of it what I want.
Ginger

You are definitely not alone, Karen! I also have friends who cannot find the right shoes (so to speak!). Also, those who ask how you are coping then immediately go into a lengthy description of the cousin of a friend whose stepson’s wife’s sister’s condition. Hello? I am here! I decided that I need not spend my precious time with them.

So right about carefully choosing who you share with! I appreciate your reply!! Thanks. Karen

I too have 3 daughters. One still lives at home with me and we are very close. I don't know if I'm depressed but I suffer from insomnia. I actually have a great family support system, it's just hard to not overthink everything when you can't sleep. Thank you everyone for all your words of support.

@kat718-Welcome to Mayo Clinic. Good morning. I'm sorry that I am coming into this whole discussion so late. I agree with Ginger. After I was diagnosed with cancer not only did I look at my life differently but I looked much differently at people too. I couldn't stand trivia or chit chats nor conversations that were dull or emotionally draining. I had a twin sister who was dying of end-stage heart disease, lupus, and a million other things. But she was very very selfish and only concerned issues about herself. Looking back on it I am grateful now, looking back, because I didn't have to think about me.
How long have you had MM and End-Stage renal failure? What treatments have you, or are you having?
Insomnia is such an inconvenience, don't you think? Not only does it exacerbate our physical symptoms but also our mental acuity.
When I can't sleep I can't think straight. When I can't think straight I become depressed. Facing a diagnosis that might indicate a grim future, I would think would curtail any ability to sleep. However, if you haven't slept in a very long time that will run you down and you need your energy. I would suggest seeking help with a sleep clinic. Can you find out if there are any near you?

@azkidney57 I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing?

Hello Colleen thank you for asking about me. My scans in late February 2020 were clean. No Mets which of course was great news. I did not do so well in terms of the “scan anxiety” at all. I had the chest CT first and I almost had a panic attack. I dreaded the scan even though it was a short scan. I see a psychiatrist and she prescribed Lorazepam to take. I took the drug prior to the MRI, abd/ pelvis which was a week later. My experience was better, not great but tolerable. At present I am doing well psychologically. Next scans due late May. The virus of course is awful but I am managing. I met a man and I have been dating him. I haven’t told about my RCC, nephrectomy, don’t see a need to. This May will mark my one year anniversary. I am far better than I was a year ago but I take things one day at a time and I am happy each day that I am cancer free and virus free. A new perspective is in place and I am learning more tolerance and patience. Best wishes to all!