Hi Jenifer, It's nice to hear from you again. It sounds like your anxiety is off the charts. I know exactly what you mean when you say that no one can understand at least, no one in the medical field, or sometimes not even members of your family. Why do you hate yourself? What has caused you to feel this way? Are you not taking anything for your panic attacks right now? I know you are in misery and this has to stop. Don't beat yourself up anymore. I don't know your history or what you have been through in your life but it's not worth it. I've learned to do the best I can with this and avoid any triggers (people, traffic, etc..) Yes, I have to miss out on a lot of things because I am afraid of putting myself in a situation where I might lose it but I tell myself that I am going to try to live my "Best" day tomorrow. That is all I can do right now. Please stay in contact with the forum. God Bless