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Dementia and nutrition

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Dec 21, 2019 | Replies (12)

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@coloradogirl

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. We know what it's like as my husband's mother (who lives with us) has a similar condition. We have been told that this is quite common with these conditions. With dementia involved, the logic isn't necessary firing on all cylinders the way we would like. During her last big episode, my mother-in-law refused to eat for over two weeks, then started in rehab and stopped again for several days when she transitioned home.

My first thought is that getting her to eat anything is better than nothing, so if all she will eat is bread and chocolate, at least she is getting calories that way. For now, you may want to focus on just getting something into her to keep her going until you can work on nutrition. If she will do them, get the Ensure or similar nutrition drinks and tell her that they are malts or shakes if you need to. Would she eat if it was more of a social situation? Maybe the family members could take turns eating with her. (This did not work with my MIL but might be worth considering because maybe your mom is different. Some people simply hate to eat alone).

Also, I'm sure that there are doctors involved given the other issues you mention, but if not, it would be a good idea to ask them for help. You should ask if they have suggestions, or perhaps they can refer you to occupational therapy or a dietician that works with geriatrics to see if they have suggestions. (My MIL refused to eat for us but when she was in memory care rehab they were very successful in getting her to eat. We're still not sure what voodoo magic they used but we were grateful that it worked).

The final option is a bit heavy-handed but was suggested to me by an in-home nurse if we ran out of other options. They periodically have patients who refuse to eat, so they take them seriously and ask if they want to bring in hospice. Once the elder starts to see that this is getting serious and could mean planning for the end of life, they decide to start eating again. It's not something I would want to do (and thankfully we did not have to go there), but they have had to use this option a few times and it can work in the right situation.

Hugs to you and kudos to you and your family for helping make sure she has the option to eat healthy. Hope these suggestions are helpful and that you are able to get this resolved so your mom can be healthy and happy.

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Replies to "I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. We know what it's like as..."

Thank you for those suggestions. She does have several others involved (doctors, home care workers, etc.) but so far nobody has been able to convince her to eat. The only way we can get her to eat at all (and we hate to do it) is to tell her she’ll have to go into a nursing home if she won’t follow doctors’ orders to eat, take her meds (that’s another battle), etc. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to matter if we eat with her or not. She’s also refusing to bathe or shower because she has a little bit of purple dye in her hair and she’s afraid it will wash out, and then “all the men won’t be after me anymore”. We’ve offered to re-dye it for her but she’s not taking any chances. We’ve been lucky to find work arounds so far for a lot of the problems she’s facing, but these ones are definitely throwing us for a loop. We’re happy that she is eating something, but even with the high-calorie items she chooses she’s barely eating more than a few bites so she’s definitely not getting enough to maintain her weight, let alone put some back on, We’ll keep trying, though. What a challenge!