One thing I felt in those moments was guilt. I know that's dumb, but there it is. It doesn't happen regularly, but when I'm in a big store, I feel the beginning of panic when I become completely disoriented. Lately it's happened while I was driving, and I have to ask my wife where we were supposed to be going. She gets annoyed with me because I'll almost drive past the street or parking lot. Sometimes she hollers at me to turn, or I'll have to make a U turn. On a related level, I can't go into a store without my phone because I'll totally forget why I was there. I'm in trouble if I forgot to add it to my Evernote list, which I do way too often. By the time I get into Evernote I will have forgotten what I was going to write.

I depend a lot on my external hard drive, the one I'm holding in my hand right now.

I'm fairly active, but I had to retire at 55. That was 14 years ago. I was not able to function in my work, and my PCP and the psychiatrist essentially ordered me to retire because I might succeed at suicide. Moving 175 miles was a nightmare, especially for my wife. Because I was so disfunctional, a lot of the work was dumped on her, because I was in bed more often as not.

Gotta go. Pray that I won't get lost.

Jim