@januaryjane- are you home now or in a hospital? What kind of surgery might make you better?
Again- do you have access to a psychologist or social worker? It’s always good to have someone else close by knowing what you are going through.
I understand what you mean talking about birthdays. For so many years when I was not well I would predict at New Year’s that the new year would be better. Finally I stopped being so positive and I knew it would be another bad year- except that was the year both my major problems would be treated!
Science came through and offered a treatment. That’s why I don’t want you to give up- there is always a possibility that your turn had come. It is difficult for you with different ailments that may involve more than one specialist. If you don’t have the strength to push forward maybe there is someone that can help you organize a way to get your doctors to talk to you about options.